YOU TWO DECIDE. Mentee should determine their path, Mentor helps and provides advice. (Each DBer does their own work, right. Those that are here to help provide support, or knowledge of how something has or has not worked for THEM. That's it.)
You can go through steps or just work on what you want to. Let the Mentee decide with your guidance
DR Seven Steps:
1. Start with a Beginner's Mind 2. Know what you Want 3. Ask for what you want 5. Stop Going Down Cheeseless Tunnels (great for you two to work on together) 5. Experiment and Monitor Results (great to work on brainstorming together) 7. Take Stock (evaluate where you are) 8. Keep Positive Changes Going (detect the pieces that ARE working , and keep doing them, don't backslide. )
KLA Keeping Love Alive
1. Create your Goals 2. Take inventory of your skills and strengths 3. Identify what is currently going well 4. Identify what isn't working 5. Explore one or more of 7 creative approaches for overcoming relationship challengest
Change anything Do a 180 (LRT is part of this) Act as If Actions Speak Louder than words Power Packaging The Medium is the Message Do Nothing
6. Keep the Changes Going --- Identify what is going well, anticipate times you may slip up and pre-plan to keep doing well
7. Don't expect too much, too soon 8. Don't expect perfection 9. Don't expect failure 10. Make being solution oriented a way of life
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
"Take some advice from the world of advertising: know who your audience is and speak to their needs. Instad of making demands that fall on deaf ears, appeal to your partner's interests (instead of your own!) when you're trying to get him or her to change. If you do so, you'll be more likely to motivate your partner to doing things differently.
Think of something you would like your partner to do, but haven't figured out how to convince him or her to change yet. Make sure you completely understand your partner's point of view even if you don't entirely agree with it. Explain why this point of view is so important to him/her.
Identify the specific behavioral change you'd like your partner to make, in action terms.
Experiment with ways of expressing to your partner how the change you are proposing fits with his or her point of view. In other words, describe how this change will be an advantage to your partner given his or her perspectivie on the situation.
Now that you know waht you want to change and how your partner feels, the first thing you must do is acknowledge your partner's feelings. Then, explain how what you are requesting will actually be a means to your partner's desired ends."
I have a beginners mind and am willing to do, try, anything different than the same roller coaster of bad reactions going on 3 yrs now. I have read lots of posts here, and have started the DB book but bootcamp replies from 2 people really speak to me. I am in so much trouble (not to say more than anyone else) how can I participate in boot camp. I am ready to work hard and face the road ahead, and would love to pay it forward.
Me 45, H 52 M 23 D 18, S 21, S 23, S 25 (all living @ home) OW June 2011, A 4months, EA continues GH, dead and living w/depression suicidal tendencies Deep love for family, suppresses love for family- can't face life-grass is greener on other side so must maintain separation D mentioned 1 month ago, continues to reflect life's neg. fortifying D idea.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
