The start of a new year. My heart is full after a rich and deeply meaningful holiday season.
My hopes and dreams are for health and joy for myself and my family. I am investing there and excited and encouraged with hope. I anticipate joyous celebrations, parties and feasts not the least of which surround Ds upcoming wedding.
I am prepared for challenges, difficulties and discomfort the best I can be and I intend to stay on course.
I think it better I go solo to the party and enjoy myself as a confident and principled man who can enjoy my own company and have a great time with colleagues.
I agree.
I am glad you recognized those fleeting “larger than they really are” feelings.
Confident and principled. That’s how I think of you after these years of us talking.
This week, after not answering several texts that didn’t need a response, I agreed to have a phone conversation with W. She had asked if we could talk on the phone. I updated her on some aspects of S’s health and care, being open and honest. She became upset that I had not told her one of the details about his health earlier and said, “you can’t push me out of our family.” … I didn’t take that bait.
I'm glad you didn't take the bait AND i agree that she might have a reason for being upset about your son's health seeing that he has special needs.
Originally Posted by Rockon
Outcome of our conversation: we have decided to resume weekly phone conversations about S and to use a shared calendar about his appointments. I am reminded that she had told me that only talking to her about S was ridiculous and that whoever had advised me to do that was crazy. Honestly, I don’t want to talk to her at all. However I want to be responsible and to communicate effectively about what is important. I have listened to sage board members here and I’ve stopped looking for reasons to stay in constant contact with her. Suppose that was a 180.
I'm really glad you make this decision for YOU. It doesn't matter how your wife responds or participates in the care... you can go to bed peacefully knowing that you did not allow your anger, hurt or "want to not engage" dictate your actions. You will not be the reason why your wife doesn't show up for your son.
This was a high road choice. One that will have to be made many times. Also one that will not cause no regrets.
The western sky is beautiful at dusk after a long Saturday at work. Further south those skies are horrific, apocalyptic. I am thankful for shelter and safety as I pour a glass of wine and put on a chill before dinner playlist for son and I.
I have one day off tomorrow to start the week. Church, family and then a run followed by sauna and steam. Opportunities for social dancing tonight but I might stay in.
Going through it and honestly, life is good and it is beautiful even if it is not always easy.
Son's needs are significant and I am all in for his care.. while also being all in for what is best for me.
I am working out and running. Getting into the mountains. Went to get my beard trimmed today. Stepped out of the barbershop feeling great and inspired to keep up with my strength training.
I have a company party coming up and I have been rationalizing about taking a date. Not dating but it would be fun. I think this is an indication that i am continuing to move forward and I have been noticing some indifference towards W these days.
Reading DnJ's repsonse to Dynamiq helped me to recognize some indifference. I am paying attention and wanting to take good care at this point.
I think it better I go solo to the party and enjoy myself as a confident and principled man who can enjoy my own company and have a great time with colleagues.
Saturday morning to myself. Hints of spring today but could be more winter to come. Overcast and mild temperatures. Quiet. Almost mowed my lawn a couple weeks ago before snow and ice cover.
Had a great time away last weekend with youngest S, D and D’s fiancé. We had some wedding planning conversations and a ton of fun with recreation, laughter, singing, games and good food.
I have been detaching more this year - really it’s been about a year - and I continue to GAL.
This week, after not answering several texts that didn’t need a response, I agreed to have a phone conversation with W. She had asked if we could talk on the phone. I updated her on some aspects of S’s health and care, being open and honest. She became upset that I had not told her one of the details about his health earlier and said, “you can’t push me out of our family.” … I didn’t take that bait.
Outcome of our conversation: we have decided to resume weekly phone conversations about S and to use a shared calendar about his appointments. I am reminded that she had told me that only talking to her about S was ridiculous and that whoever had advised me to do that was crazy. Honestly, I don’t want to talk to her at all. However I want to be responsible and to communicate effectively about what is important. I have listened to sage board members here and I’ve stopped looking for reasons to stay in constant contact with her. Suppose that was a 180.
The call was uncomfortable but I immediately put it on the back burner and haven’t given it conscious thought til now. It was there with some things to process and this weekend presents an opportunity to do some of that with this good cup of coffee.
Tonight, I party with my work colleagues. I look and feel great. I’m happy and healthy and am really looking forward to the planned event. I’m glad I don’t have a date. That would just really not fit with where I am at.
My kids are all urging me to get a grill to put on the back door lanai (covered porch for those not in FL). It's just about always grilling weather. I'm a noob at that though. A 180 for me? Any recommendations? A co-worker specked out a $500 one that makes everything easy supposedly...
I think it would upset most folks seeing the OP. You are not an actual "rock". You are human.
Although detachment isn't easy, It is easier to feel detached when you have little to no interaction with your former spouse. It's only when an interaction happens - that we are reminded of the anger or pain that was caused...
... and that's okay. Healing is a process and takes time. You are doing the work. That's all that matters.
Yes, stay focused on your path. Be better, not bitter. Be Rockon2.0, Dad, the strong stable parent.
You’ve let your kids know that they can talk to you. Allow them to walk their path and figure out their relationship with Mom. They will reach out to you if/when they need/want to. Your real job here is to not demonize Mom.
It is unsurprising that Mom introduced OM. He is, after all, a person of significance in her life.
Also, why now? Why is she introducing? Stirring stuff up? Likely because you have ceased being dragged around by her, and her actions. Keep it up! Do not take her bait. Do not react to her or OM. Continue to walk your path.
I have had legal advice conversations with L from the start and I did have one this time last year correct. I don’t have them on retainer at present but can arrange for them to look over documents before i sign,
Some progress. She told me she met with a divorce coach and found out how expensive things can get if we go through lawyers and court. She seems motivated and i think will be open to negotiating.
She has seemed to be focused on smaller sentimental items (not the house and not the pension/investments), telling me what things of ours were gifts to her. I have packed these things up for her.
