I have an appt with a lawyer this Thursday to review/sign a custody agreement.
Spoke with a mutual friend last night. W apparently told his W that she feels I am stalling and dragging this out for some reason. Mind you, BD was 3 months ago.
She also made a comment that she believes I"m a narcissist. I know that's the latest buzzword in society, but it got me thinking, maybe I am? From what little I knew about it, parts of my W fit that to a T. But, I certainly possess some of those characteristics as well.
Not that this changes anything whatsoever, but it's bothering me for some reason. I feel I"m fully aware of my flaws as a person. But for someone to think I"m a narcissist. I"m not sure how to feel about or handle that.
Today is my 50th. Ugh. Got a few gifts from 'son' that wife no doubt bought, which was nice. Other than that no acknowledgement from her. That's ok. Our 15 year anniversary is coming up on Wednesday. I certainly won't acknowledge it, and neither will she.
Just crazy to think that my 45th and 50 birthdays, and our 10 and 15 year anniversaries will be spent planning a divorce. But the good news is, I can 100% guarantee I won't be stressing over a D on my 55th!
Having some characteristics is not close to the same.
The fact you are sitting here wondering about it, trying to process it, and you took it negatively, you aren't a narcist. Hell the fact you are even here proves you aren't.
You are correct, it is the new buzz word, and it's an easy out for people to excuse their trashy behavior. Don't give it another thought, she's justifying her crappy decisions with her friends, that's it, nothing more to see.
Women are no longer staying in marriages where the passion is gone yet it seems to always be the man’s fault. We (men) are supposed to take accountability and become better partners. When do they (women) take some accountability as well? I may be overly sensitive concerning this topic, tbh.
There are so many different variables but in general men are usually more accepting of passionless and sexless marriages.
Hi Sunflyer - Agreed. Unfortunately, we're looking for logic where it may not exist. Feelings a driving the bus, fears, negative sentiments override, and lots of other unhelpful factors. As a few posters say, one of the best strategies is to try to minimize our presence and detach so that hopefully the person 1) sees that the problems exist when we're not there and 2) starts to miss the love and support we'd been there to provide in the past. The visual of pouring gas on a house fire is spot on.
We accepted an offer on the house yesterday. Unfortunately, was below asking price, which is really going to hurt me in buying a new place. I wanted to put in a counter offer, but our realtor said this was probably the best we could do. W gladly accepted the offer. Whatever, at least it's over.
W went on an overnight 'girls trip' yesterday, so I told our son last night that the house has sold. He was a little upset, but seemed to take it well.
I do want to apologize for not being very active on other threads here. Especially this past month, between work, constantly leaving the house for showings, etc it felt like I haven't had 5 minutes alone to do anything. But thanks to the people kind enough to post on my thread. It means a lot.
A good, mutual friend (who my W no longer speaks to for some reason) asked me the other day, 'seriously, if W came to you and said she's sorry for everything, wants to work it out, etc, what would your answer be?'
I told her that the day after BD, W and I were talking and she brought up how a kid in the wrestling programs mother called me one day and asked if I could take her son to an event. W said that if we weren't married, she would never think to ask me that, because I'm 'not the type of person she would be friends, or even friendly with'. I've thought about that conversation for 6 months, and never really understood how or why she could say something so hurtful. But it makes sense now.
Despite part of me that still loves her, I finally realize that the feeling is mutual. Not only do I not want to be with her anymore, but if not for having to coparent, I'd never want to even see or associate with her again. Forget how she treated me for 20 years. Forget losing our home, forget the pain and suffering she's caused our family, friends, etc. I have zero regard for anyone that walks out on or neglects their children. I put her in a similar category as the druggie, who's kids are starving because the parent spends the money on another rock. Or the parent that chooses to work 80 hours a week, and misses their kid growing up. Someone that walks out on their kid, just in hopes of finding their (ever changing) 'happiness' is IMO a selfish piece of garbage.
So my answer to my friend was 'finally, after 20+ years, there is nothing W could ever say or do that would make me want to associate with her, let alone be in a relationship with her'.
Everyone here says this journey is about saving yourself, not saving your marriage. For any newbies who may read this, listen to the experts here. The goal is to save yourself. Save your children. If the marriage can be saved, great. But it shouldn't be the ultimate goal.
Of course I'd love having my son 100% of the time.
This is all that matters.
Originally Posted by Terapin
But I also feel like it's giving her a month vacation with no responsibilities (taking son to school, practices, etc), so she can likely go out and party for 8 hours every night (like last night)
Do you view taking your son to school or practice a gift or a chore?
Ask yourself why you care and why you want to punish her for her choices.
