I'm not sure if this is the right section of the forum for this, so if a moderator wants to move it, feel free.
Watching my marriage crumble around me has been a learning experience. Although it is not I who wants to end it, I realize that even if it were to be restored, it would have to be completely different from what it was before. And if a new relationship should replace it, that would have to be very different from this one too.
I decided to write out what I have learned from my experiences, as well as what I would want a new relationship to look like. In the process, I not only acknowledged my faults, but also extolled my own good qualities. I found that indulging in self-promotion is very empowering and is helping me realize that I am not to blame for everything. It makes me realize I have many good qualities and those should be shared with the right person (which may end up being my spouse or maybe not).
If you read this, I am sure you will recognize some elements of Michele's writings and those of you that have contributed to my threads will probably see elements of the advice you have given. It's rather long, so I will break it into two parts below. Maybe it will help someone. And if it doesn't, it still gave me benefit to crystallize my thoughts.
This forum is a fine location for your thread. You, all posters, are encouraged to post wherever you find your situation and/or discussion fits best. A forum’s title is a general description of what’s likely to exist within that forum - midlife crisis or piecing, as examples. Sharing and discussing and working towards crystallizing your values and convictions and worthiness certainly fits here.
I agree, these situations are most definitely a learning experience. An opening to a whole new world of lessons and viewpoints.
Learning and growing can continue for one’s entire life’s journey. I think lots of LBS do find themselves casting aside their unrealized shackles of stagnation they had unwittingly clamp upon themselves years ago. And in such, finding, and remaining true to, their deep self.
It’s a golden opportunity. One we never “wanted”, and yet eventually discover and appreciate such value within, we’d not return it, even if we could.
It is never easy, but I put one foot in front of the other.
All said, I've lived some pretty great experiences in my life. I know there can be more. I am 58 years young. I feel pretty young; even W has told me over the years that I always looked younger than my age. Only giveaway is the graying hair lol. I don't have the hormones of a teenager anymore, but libido is still pretty good too.
It seemed strange to me at first, but I feel my self-perception is changing somewhat. I always had some insecurity about my looks. I used to look in the mirror and only see all the flaws. Now, for some reason, I am starting to ignore the flaws and look at the assets.
I think to myself, "W always liked that part of me. You know what? I like it, too. I'll never be Mr. Universe, but for a guy my age, that's not bad."
I was about the same age as you when I first arrived here. I think you are on the right track and this is certainly a good place to post about it.
This journey is certainly one of self discovery and I am so glad you like the person that you see in the mirror.
I am sure that as time moves along you will like him even more.
Everything happens for a reason and although I never would have picked the path of coming here, I am so glad that I did.
I will echo what DnJ said...you are welcome to post anywhere on the forum that you think is the right place to post.
You sound like a very wise person who has rediscovered yourself. The journey that we all have taken does open our eyes to life and what it has to offer. We sometimes do not realize just how much of ourselves that we have given to a relationship until that relationship has died. Once we have found our footing again, we begin to heal and rediscover ourselves and continue on to new opportunities as well as meeting new people along the way.
As the saying goes "you've come a long way baby". Your postings will help others and give them the strength and encouragement to move forward and realize that there is life after a relationship crisis. Keep up the good work!
