Anyway, thanks guys for the advice. It's not like I'm in a hurry to get divorced, and despite being impatient, I know it could take a few weeks to get served. But sitting here in this limbo [censored]. I'm not talking from an emotional standpoint or anything. What I mean is, once I get the papers, I can go over them with my attorney, contact realtors to put our house up for sale, really put my future plans into action. It's tough to do when I don't even know for sure what her L will draw up for custody agreement, division of debt/assets, etc.
She's texted me three times today and called once. All pertaining to our son, but stuff like 'he had fun at his practice this morning!', 'can you make sure he doesn't live his water bottle at the playground?', etc. I know I shouldn't even reply, but since it's about our kid, I just reply with one word answers; 'good', 'ok', etc.
OMFG, don’t do anything without a lawyer’s say-so.
She’s complaining about $2600 - that’s her problem, not yours.
Also, it appears she is in a bit of a rush and offering a fair deal on finance.
What happens if you sign it but there’s holes? In six months, she breaks up with OM, and decides she wants to gold-dig every last cent from you.
Not only will a lawyer check if a) it’s a reasonable deal b) it’s legit and legal,
But most importantly: c) they’ll make sure it protects you into the future by making it water-tight and ensuring everything that has to be done is done.
You’ll sleep better at night knowing she can’t change her mind next time the wind changes. Even simple stuff, like clauses limiting any further scope. Imagine if you unexpectedly inherited a bunch of family money a few weeks after it’s all signed - you want to make sure she can’t touch you.
Took son to a wrestling tournament at an amusement park yesterday. Left at 7am and got home at 9:30 pm. Despite it being a million degrees out, and him not doing as well as hoped in the tournament, what a fun day. He ran around with 7 or 8 of his wrestling buddies all day. He's always had a phobia with roller coasters, and vowed not to ride even the tamest one. By the end of the day he had ridden all of the coasters multiple times!
As for W, absolutely no contact in the 14 hours we were gone. This has always been a big pet peeve of mine when it comes to her. When son and I are at his tournaments, football games, etc (she only came to about 50% of them), she would rarely even text asking 'how's he doing?' It always seemed 'out of sight, out of mind' for her, which really made me mad and would make our son sad. But whatever, I rarely even thought about her yesterday, and I don't think son mentioned her at all.
She's going to a concert w/ friends today/tonight, so it'll be son and I again all day. God help me! I'm so sore, sun burned, etc. lol
Dig for patience. Let her drowned in plenty of time and space. You’ve no need to push for a speedy custody revision. You’ve no need to charge forward with this. Focus on you and son. Only respond to her and her proposals, not lead or prompt her. Let her own the heavy part of this.
Time is a companion along your journey. Uncertainty is also your journey’s friend. Be Terapin2.0.
'so your idea is to live as roommates for the next 5-10 years?'
As an exercise, how could you "agree" with her that you do not want that? I can think of two or three phrases (and behaviors) that I would have used.
Originally Posted by Terapin
The quarterly sex
Sounds like this is unacceptable to you. Now is the time for you work on changes to your behavior. During my marriage, I was pretty ignorant of how different a woman's "turn ons" were. I spent lots of time doing research.
Obviously you are getting angry, which is totally fine. The key is to channel all of the raw energy from that anger into other things so that when you are interacting with W, you are fully in control of your emotions.
This one came highly recommended from a friend. His secretary calls yesterday and said after reviewing his appointment log, he realizes he can't see me due to a conflict of interest. That's the 2nd L I've called that has this 'conflict'. I'm pretty mad.
This is why I recommend every newbie go get the free consults with the top 3 lawyers in their area ASAP. When you wait, the spouse may beat you to the top lawyers, leaving you with less desirables.
Most of the men who arrive at this site are repressed. They’ve been beaten into submission my a bullying wife who has threatened to leave them, and they’re desperately trying to nice them into staying.
Your wife is being a complete bully. Refusing to listen to your concerns about timing with telling your son, forging ahead to force the sale of the house.
Why would you apologise to this person? All you’re doing is reinforcing to her that when acts in a shi**y way that upsets you, you’ll eventually roll over and apologise to her. You’ve actually reinforced her bad behaviour by apologising for some home truths. Would you give your dog some treats if they pee on the carpet?
You need to stop living in fear and start being a strong man. Not rude or aggressive or unreasonable, just honest and reasonable and tough in your convictions.
And I have no idea why you’d want to go somewhere with her today. She’s the last person on the earth I’d want to spend any time with.
You’ve walked on eggshells far too long, and where has it got you? MWD says if what you’ve been trying for ages hasn’t worked, do the opposite.
LOL @ my W. We chatted for a bit about son's upcoming surgery.
Then she's like:
W: 'hey, did you get a chance to go over that custody agreement?' Me: 'what custody agreement?' W: 'the one I gave you like 3 weeks ago' Me: 'Ya, I said 3 weeks ago that it needs to be 50/50' W: 'So you're not going to sign it?' Me: 'Not till it says 50/50. I thought I was clear about that' W: 'I don't see what the difference is? We're going to work out what's best for him. We just need something on paper'. Me: 'If there's no difference, then change it to where I get the extra day per week'. W: 'It's fine, I can get it changed to 50/50. That's no problem'.
