Divorcebusting.com Forums Thread Like Summary - Wife Left 40 days Ago, Limerence?

Hello everybody, i am a newbie and i want to tell my whole story so that i can receive the best advise ever if its better to just let go completly and move forward.

WW (30) Left March 12 asking for divorce right away for OP (57) WW was a cheerful Christian Wife liked to go out at nights to have fun with me however she is really clingy and seems to have anxious attachment issues.

I saw the red flags for about 1 month however i was one of the ones that overlooked because i never thought she would fall for a 27 years older hippie that lives beyond the line of poverty lives on selling Pot with no confortable situation, atheist, bitter, nagging, jelous and controlling i know the guy BTW.

Me im totally the opposite im not jelous, have a great Job live confortably, outgoing however i will accept that i took her for granted and also was verbally abusive to her and also emotionally neglected her plus financial issues we had due to the pandemic, it was a time bomb now that i was honest to myself.

Since she left like after 15 days she started bread crumbing by message saying things personal to us and also asking for small business advise she owned a cafeteria which was her life long dream however lost it the middle of the affair, she lost friends and its hiding the situation from everybody she actually keep my pictures on IG, the only ones that know completely even the fact she is living in such poor conditions are very few, i asked her to leave me alone after 20 days and she started saying she loved me and [censored] up blah blah blah, told me she suffered to the fact i was not jealous OMG and how i was the smartest and i was a great person, then she pulled back.

5 days later is aksed for divorce and she started using all type of excuses and asked me to not abandon her in the middle of this situation she put herself in again loved me but she left feeling she did not loved me anymore almost a Cliche however said again i was the best ever happened to her yet she pulled away again.

5 days later I reminded her about divorce and she started saying beatiful things about me and this time even badmouthed the AP and told me she knew they had no future but she felt happy for the first time in a while, saying a lot of red flags he has however i see her minimzing them but they were huge red flags, Jelous, controlling and violent and she thinks he does cocaine know.

April 20 i was tired already of not seeing any breakthrough i am really impatient and finally told her, listen i will pay divorce mysels cause i find repulsive to the fact she was keeping our house keys while leaving with a Criminal and second i was repulsed by the fact she is sleeping with a guy like that by being married to me and in my Country if she gets pregnant the baby will have my last names and i will be responsible for the baby idiotic but cant do anything against the law, she again even when i told her i would pay for it she looked for excuses, finally she agreed.

April 22nd she asked to talk to me but finally back off and i did not sai anything until then i have not asked for her to come back however i have been talking and providing her emotional suppor as most good guys.

April 24th she asked to have a conversation before signing so we talk about an hour in which she grabbed my hands and told me she hated the decisions but she need to do it, probably to don't feel dirty as she said, she again recalled she loved me but its a cycle that need to be closed, this time however i did told her if she was sure cause divorce would be the end, i made 3 mistakes back that day, gave her the chance to repent which i knew she wouldn't as its deep in the fog, badmouthed AP however were the same thing she told me herself, and then i did hold her while she was signing and crying and kiss her head, finally we signed, she kept writing to me that day and asked me to forgive her, she pulled back and anyway i was not thinking in to keep this game, trying to detach cause i see her as a figure to protect and in her situation has been hard cause we both live far away from our families and besides AP and her new hippie drug dealing friends is he only one here that knows. any insight on what i could do to snap her out and make sure she is at least safe at her parents house instead of the place she is, i really don't think the Fog would last long in this conditions as she cannot even sustain her and OP is broke, not even a washing machine home, i have not helped her at all just allowed her to took some small appliances, she seems to be regaining control of her life again started cooking for business and is hanging out more with her new friends i think Affair should be ending soon however resentment and the emotional part i saw it there myself the lack of forgiveness towards myself and also OP keeps her on a pedestal and she says he makes her feel happy, any advise?

I agree

I have heard advice as to how long to grieve this marriage.
One month per year of marriage is a good rule of thumb.

You dont want to keep making the same mistakes over and over.
Figure all that out.

So start DBing, realize you are doing it for yourself, and if she comes around so be it. Don't make rash decisions to start hooking up with other women because you are hurting. Take time away from women, just focus on you. Don't try to punish her if you really love her. It took me quite awhile to learn that lesson myself. I'm a little over a year into this and am just starting to develop some patience so I understand where you are coming from. Again, focus on you and improving your life. She may eventually see the error of her ways and try to come back. Or not. If you are happy and healthy, things will work out the way they are supposed to.

I agree with you that's why i signed divorce and went no contact to remove myself from the equation also for my own good i kept moving just yesterday i was able to hook up with a girl i need to understand what I really like to do but so far removing myself is the only thing that worked.

What do you mean by “hook up with a girl”? Met up with or actually hooked up? Not a vet around here, however I don’t think getting involved with other women is a good idea until you are actually divorced. Just my 2 cents.

This.

What I'm hearing from Pablomon is "I like sex". Which of us doesn't really? But based on that "I can't wait for her to come back so we can have sex so I'm going to go out in the meantime and find someone else to have sex with."

Don't make this about sex. You can go 6 months without sex, believe it or not! I'm starting to get the impression that you're more interested in her body than anything else. That's not love.. That's lust. You've accused her of being addicted to limerance. I'm beginning to wonder if that wasn't a bit of projection?

After reading the last comments I want to share this, i am human i have lust of course but i am not looking her for lust, honestly i have had infatuation but not Limerence myself, i have been lucky in life when it comes to women not only women but physically beautiful woman, so no it's not sex, sex can be easily accesed, i love my wife but i hate the pain I'm feeling, i love her so much that seeing her in this destruction spiral is killing me on the inside and i don't have good coping mechanisms unfortunately, after 4 days of alcohol and even hooking up which i agree i should have not i was left with a worse feeling than the one i had because i realized i wanted this sometimes while being married but now i understand its not what i want, i want to keep working in trying to fix this but i really don't know how to ease the pain a little to keep hanging in there, it's been to hard on us honestly but i thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the advise.