men think they are competing with the top 10% of men for a woman's affection. But in reality, they are competing against the peace she feels when she's alone.
In other words - you have to be a better option for her than being alone. Sometimes that is a tall order. It may even be why I'm taking so long to get back to dating. Aside from sex (which is important!) a man has to bring enough to the table to be worth the irritations he will likely bring into my life lol.
I was just sticking to him feeling she needs to say exactly what she means. It’s not on her if you didn’t understand. I thought she sounded clear. But if you want a yes or no answer, you need to ask the yes or no questions.
Quite personally, Mach, it’s pretty simple. She’s a woman recently out of 2 physically abusive relationships. What are you expecting from her ?
men think they are competing with the top 10% of men for a woman's affection. But in reality, they are competing against the peace she feels when she's alone.
In other words - you have to be a better option for her than being alone. Sometimes that is a tall order. It may even be why I'm taking so long to get back to dating. Aside from sex (which is important!) a man has to bring enough to the table to be worth the irritations he will likely bring into my life lol.
Well, She invited me over for drinks this weekend. She apologized about not keeping contact with me. as she said her past two weeks with work have been extremely crappy.
There you go, Mach40. Let her come to you. Now be flirty and go in for the kiss...and don't friend zone yourself.
Don did a nice job of laying it out Mach and we are just trying to help. For future reference don’t do group dates until your a couple because I think it makes things even more confusing for you.
Think you might have screwed the pooch on this one but see where you stand Saturday because quite frankly you have nothing to lose at this point.
I often try to put myself in the situation. That’s good in empathetic ways but can be bad because it assumes that my feelings and history is like the other persons, which it well may not. But combining my history with my knowledge these thoughts come to mind as to why you’ve not escalated during the last 6 weeks and 6 or 7 “dates”
1. You’re not ready for more 2. You’re not feeling it or not attracted to her 3. You’re sensing she’s not attracted or feeling it for you 4. You don’t want to take the risk of being rejected
Or it may be all or portions of the above. But there has to be a reason you tell us you are interested but have gone this far in the friend zone. You must know why.
I can just tell you at times I’ve felt one or more of the above. For me most often it’s #2. I can tell you that when I am and when I initiate more it generally works out - if even just for a short time. I’ve freely admitted I’m more picky than I may deserve to be but you’d be surprised at the reactions you’ll get if you put yourself out there. It’s biological as much as anything. Flirting makes women (and most men) feel good. Anyone that wants to go out 7 times with you within a month is likely interested to at least some level. If she wasn’t she would not keep inviting you out. But look at this from her view, she thinks she’s putting clear signals out there yet she’s getting little response from you. What is she left to think? What would you think if she had taken your face in her hands and given you even a couple second kiss? What would you have come back here and told us? How excited would you have been? It’s the same for her and can be the opposite when it doesn’t happen.
It’s time to take a little risk. As LH said you you’ve got nothing to lose at this point. It’s nearly impossible she’s going to respond with “we’ve only been out 7 times how dare you try to kiss me.” The worst is she will say, “I’m sorry I’m just not seeing you that way,” or something like that. But at least you’ll know. Any woman who thinks the 7th or 8th time together is too soon for a kiss… well while I’m sure some might exist, I know I’d not want to date them and I’m not a third date rule guy by any means.
Okay, I think I’ve made my point. I know I’ve tried. Get your head back in the game for tonight.
I don't feel qualified to offer anyone relationship advice. But there are plenty of women out there looking and eager for a long term relationship. I think that you should try to find one of those women and keep looking until you. When a woman is incredibly enthusiastic about seeing you, it's amazing. I don't think you should settle for anything less. Also, if you want to meet women, just start talking to as many women as you can in real life. Some will be interested. Chase the interested ones. I wasted a lot of time not following the foregoing advice.
Mach, if you don’t understand her message, why don’t you ask her the direct and clear question? Is that not your responsibility if you feel as if you are getting mixed signal ?
“Just to clarify, friendship is all your are interested in pursuing ?”
Okay, so… like with all or at least most of the situations here all we have to go on is the written word that is reported here by half the people involved. We are not there to see body language. We are not able to see responses or interactions. So it’s anywhere from a gut reaction to an educated guess for us.
First and foremost I think you need to pay attention to what she does and not just what she says. I see a woman wanting to spend time with you and enjoying when she does. Yet she’s afraid to risk anything more. I honestly think that’s a lot of it. Of course this could be her reaction to you not being sure and not pursuing her.
I think I yelled at my ipad when I read “she wants to take things slow” OMG, take things slow? How much slower can you two go. You’ve been dancing around safe dating, what, near 10 times over 8 weeks? No kisses, no hand holding, no snuggling. How much slower can you go without being stopped?
So just pay attention to what she does. I think many in the above 40 age range are broken anyhow but I see signs of it with her. It looks like others do as well. If it were me I’d totally drop all expectation and not pursuit at all. If you just moved out of state that may take care of itself. Something is just odd about this whole sitch. Of course that’s the sum of both people involved. Her actions could be as much about reactions to you. But saying she wants to go any slower than the non-existent pace tells me she’s either not interested and afraid to tell you that or thinks she could be interested and is afraid to tell you that. Either way I don’t think she’s being fully honest about how she really feels. Of course this too means she’s not ready to date - which she has admitted to. I’d believe that from her.
