I find myself saying this rather often… but trying to analyse why WS/WAS do dumb sh*t is a one-way ticket to the crazy house.
It’s impossible to understand things which don’t make sense 🤷♂️
What IS important, is to work out what YOU want and focus on that.
It could be that she sees you with another woman, and is worried her old monkey-branch is feeling a bit less secure. Figures she’ll go hang your wedding photos and see what happens, so she can determine if it’s still nice and solid while she does more dumb sh*t.
You need to put yourself in the shoes of your new partner. How would you feel if your partner’s ex still had access to the house and was re-hanging wedding photos on the wall? It’s creepy AF.
That would be a huge red flag to me, and I’d be running out the door. You really need to protect your new partner from this BS.
And if reconciliation is still possible in your mind, you shouldn’t be with a new person.
Successful reconciliation is incredibly rare… but the few that are successful, tends to be because the LBS makes it exceedingly difficult for the WAS/WS to return. Letting her touch stuff in your house sends a signal that you’re weak as sh*t.
Personally, I’d say nothing to her about it, but I’d pull the wedding photos down and place them in storage. And I also have a long hard think about my new partner’s feelings and put some things in place to make sure this stuff doesn’t happen again.
I get to see my children every day and I have free access to them whenever I want. I figured it would be foolish to risk that. So, I kept my mouth shut.
Access to your kids is worth more than anything - great reason.
She also cleaned the house, did the dishes, and the laundry. She said she wanted to help. Some ideas of what to say went through my head. I opted for thank you. I know I probably should have responded differently, but the house looked great and the dog was happy. So, I kept my mouth shut.
Cleaning/dishes/laundry is odd enough but I might be inclined to just appreciate the chores and say "thanks" like you did.
But hanging the wedding photos? Now that you need a psychologist to analyze.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Would you be open to reconciliation?
That's the million dollar question, isn't it?
Spiral, were I in your shoes, all joking aside on the mots doux, I'd tread very carefully. I think I'd also spend some serious thought on what I want because she's definitely paving the way home, for whatever purpose, who knows?
I agree you better dig deep and decide what you truly want. These signs could be nothing - the fogginess of a WS mind - but if she does propose R at some point you best know what you want instead of just reacting.
At the risk of being repetitive, the cleaning/dishes/laundry is odd enough but the hanging of wedding pictures is just bizarro crazy. And neither of you nor your W mention it? Isn't that a major elephant in the room? I get some things are better left unsaid, but this seems like an item to address.
Spiral, if you feel like the hanging of the wedding pictures crossed a boundary for you, you might want to address that. If it doesn’t bother you, and if you really don’t care if she did it again , then you can chose to not address it.
Fair enough, that's his call. Put people will treat you the way you let them right? If this goes without being addressed what's next? Something to think about.
Also...the question no one asked which I'm interested in is where did she get the pictures to hang? Did she bring them with her, does Spiral have them right next to the bed in his nightstand, or did she go into into the attic and unpack a box to get them?
Spiral, if you're not in IC, is highly suggest it. I'm thinking you need to work on your self-esteem. Staying married in case things went south with OM? I mean that's the epitome of being plan B.
It's your life, c you can do what your want, but I'm rooting for Spiral to be better tomorrow then he is today. I'm saddened to not see you moving towards that.
