Much of what I wanna say has been said already....
You may hear different words easier than others though...
You both seem to be at such different levels of maturity, however both levels are fairly low to be in a committed relationship, especially one that you are trying to raise a child with. Let alone dealing with "blended" children...
This doesn't seem to be a "we" problem that you are facing....
It seems more like a "you" thing, and a "her" thing.
You have this huge bag of sh!t that you are hauling around from your last failed relationship, and never really dealt with your issues that led to the demise of that....
And she seems to have immense maturity issues that are causing her to spiral downward more each day.
It seems that focusing on "fixing" the relationship is secondary to the amount of work that needs to be done individually.
And I'm not convinced that you each can deal with your specific issues while constrained within the confines of the relationship....
The issues are bigger than that now.
You being triggered and feeling like your old relationship, and acting out the same as with your Ex.
Anything validating from you becomes condescending to her, because your words -IN HER MIND- are not matching your actions.....
You fumble through failed apologies that are empty, because you don't really even understand the depths of what you are apologizing for when you do it. Therefore sounding fake and manufactured simply for an immediate resolve, rather than a long term
Her words are completely matching her level of immaturity, which flusters and triggers you to spiral downward faster than a brick falling off of the top of a tall building....
She is afraid of being a Parent, and that you are going to mirror your marriage, yet she has zero clue how to get to a healthy emotional place to support a real life.
Your focus has turned toward fighting two different people who you have Fathered a child with, and your responses are identical to each, regardless of the relationship status.
When is enough, enough for you ???
When do you look into the mirror and tell that guy that you have had enough of his BS ???
When do you look at him and make a promise to him that YOU need to make some changes in yourself to better deal with this ??
When do you look him in the eyes and tell him that you have blamed other people long enough, and it's time to make some internal changes for himself ??
When do you finally stop holding her accountable for your emotions, decisions, and paralysis by analysis ???
When do you prioritize that guy, so that you can set the example for the future, and break the chain of dysfunction for your children ???
I think that maturity resolve number one would be 'owning' your box of crap....
That you have failed yourself, and believed the lies that you told yourself. Nobody put you into this position except yourself, and to tell you that "I'm sorry you are going through this" is unfair, and allows you to play the victim in all of this.
Own it, and you just might start to move forward from it....
And look, I'm not advocating this relationship ending. You have brought a life into this world together, no matter how F'ed up each of you are.
This deserves your best shot at making those changes and trying to find peace for the future...
There just comes a time when you have to start doing what works instead of continuing this level of insanity of doing the same crap over and over again, while expecting a different result....
What are your priorities in your life ??
In what order do they fall ???
How important is it to you to finally break that chain ???
I'm just hoping you can see how inappropriate your girlfriend's behavior is. I know that getting along with her is what you are trying to do for the sake of your baby and I admire that, but don't lose sight of how batsh!t crazy she is.
Honestly? It seems as if she has a plan to leave. She’s building it up with this recording of you being scary and potentially abusive. And she’s alienating you from your son, when you already have been alienated from your daughter.
This is a pretty dire situation. You need to keep your eyes wide open before you lose all of your kids
I know there is going to be some people here telling you to take her on date nights and do all the house work etc. Do not do that. You never reward $hitty behavior when someone is being an a-hole. Start to get your ducks and speak to a lawyer. Just the in the Liam Neeson movie “you are about to be TAKEN”.
