Hi all. Sorry about not checking in. Wasn't sure how to make a new thread and link them (figured it out) and also work has been bananas. Plus the 8 month old of course.
KML, thanks for reaching out to see how I'm doing! How are you?
For my sitch, I'm doing okay. Monday is court (confirming with lawyer). I think I'm mostly at the anger stage of grieving now vs acceptance. You know how the rollercoaster goes - some days sad, some days angry, some days apathetic.
He wears a man bun now, which my friends sent a pic of on his instagram (can't remember if I mentioned it here yet) because of how stupid it looked. I told them to stop sending me pictures. It did look pretty dumb in real life though.
STBX is still filling his days with yoga, and he has been volunteering at the cat shelter I would go to to pet cats. Seems like he's trying to do all the GAL activities recommended in breakup books, which you know, good for him, but all the cats and yoga in the world doesn't change the fact he emotionally cheated, abandoned his son, blah blah blah.
I am going to a medical society meeting in October so he'll babysit then, and doing a spa day with my coworkers. This weekend I have friends in town so we're going out and that'll be fun. I'm still doing dance lessons, just solo. My dance instructor made us a tango routine to a tango version of a Fallout boy song since I'm in the cranky stages of breakup and it was pretty fun.
I've noticed I'm spending a lot of money, I dunno if it's a compulsion since stbx claimed I'd worked too much and the financial insecurity concern had led me to do moonlight; or I'm just being hedonistic, or just so depressed about the housing market/current situation that I've given up on caring a ton about saving for a down payment, I dunno. I used to be really careful with spending and I'm a little upset at myself.
What is the court date for? Is anything being decided?
Originally Posted by Newborn
I think I'm mostly at the anger stage of grieving now vs acceptance.
The anger has lingered for me. It might take awhile.
Originally Posted by Newborn
You know how the rollercoaster goes - some days sad, some days angry, some days apathetic.
Yep. Good you recognize the swings - the more you understand the easier it is to process.
Originally Posted by Newborn
I told them to stop sending me pictures.
Good job!
Originally Posted by Newborn
I am going to a medical society meeting in October so he'll babysit then, and doing a spa day with my coworkers. This weekend I have friends in town so we're going out and that'll be fun. I'm still doing dance lessons, just solo. My dance instructor made us a tango routine to a tango version of a Fallout boy song since I'm in the cranky stages of breakup and it was pretty fun.
Sounds like good GAL! Keep it up.
Originally Posted by Newborn
I've noticed I'm spending a lot of money, I dunno if it's a compulsion since stbx claimed I'd worked too much and the financial insecurity concern had led me to do moonlight; or I'm just being hedonistic, or just so depressed about the housing market/current situation that I've given up on caring a ton about saving for a down payment, I dunno. I used to be really careful with spending and I'm a little upset at myself.
Lots of resources warn again major emotional purchases which put you in a hole - especially before the finances settle out - but I get the sense due to your profession and situation you'll be OK with the short term spending. No need to beat yourself up - you've recognize it, now adjust.
Howdy! It's been a while but I've been a little busy. I threw the baby's first birthday, my ex had the gall to ask me what we were doing for his first birthday. I stared at him and told him I was going to have my friends and family over and he could do something separately. How delusional is he to think that people want to see him??
Anyway, I had a petting zoo come to the house and had mimosas and the party was super fun. My best friend, my son's godfather was here and we ran around the city together and he reminded me just how much I don't need the ex to be happy, it's so grounding being with people that you've known your entire life and have been best friends with, I'm so lucky to have the people I have!
As for the ex, He's still planning to move across the country at the end of January to be near his yoga studio. It will probably be easier in the long run, but I'm upset I have a built-in babysitter that's leaving, although my friends remind me he's probably not super reliable anyway.
He's going to babysit this weekend so I can go on a date with somebody who is in the same field as me (!!!). I haven't been on a first date in over 15 years so I'm a little anxious. The person I'm going on a date with is awesome but obviously it's a little stressful since my field is super small and nuanced and I really hope it goes okay mostly so future conferences don't go awkwardly.
Thanks again to everyone for the support during this crazy time, y'all were right, things just get better with time.
What sort of human being would you be, if you were married to this person, had kids together, but didn’t think about what used to be from time to time?
It’s okay, even when you’ve happily moved on, to have a rubbish day here and there.
I am completely emotionally detached from my wretched ex. If she ever tried to come back, I’d laugh in her face and run like Forrest Gump in the opposite direction…. But last week, one of my kids did say to me that they found themself thinking about what life would be like if we were still together. That affected me quite a lot, not because I’d ever go back or want to be with her, but because it reminded me of the effect that divorce has on children - and that made me sad for a day or two.
You’re never going to be 100%. The real measure of progress is simply that those difficult times slowly become much shorter, and less frequent. You might find yourself thinking about him for a day, once a week. And then next year you might find it’s only half a day every month, and so on….
It will never go away. Being married and having kids together was a huge part of your life. Just acknowledge it, don’t run from it, and know that there isn’t a person on this board who wouldn’t feel a bit sad from time to time 👍
When one has balance of their four paths - physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual; when one’s “cars” on each of those paths are lined up and traversing the same direction and speed; there is peace.
Have a wonderful day N.
D
Hi DnJ,
Thank you so much for this - I will have a wonderful day now. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this thoughtful and kind response. I saved your post in an email to myself and I'll carry your words with me always.
