My husband is in withdrawal. My bomb drop was in October 2019. Moved out in April 2021. He boomerangs back and forth. He comes home 3-4 days a week. We do not communicate. His monster during the pandemic was horrible. I have PTSD. It triggered my own stuff from my mom.
We have a mediation the following Monday. We had a trial last week. He then wrote me horrible texts and emails calling me a user because I asked him to invest in a stock that went through the roof years later. He said it was his money, not mine, henceforth, I am a user.
He came home two days later as nothing happened and walked our dogs and advised me how to handle them better. They are rotts and are very protective. They probably sensed his emotional instability and stepped up for him. They do the same with me when I am down. I have to get myself together when walking them.
He stopped walking our dogs two years ago. He ignores them 90% of the time. His spending time with them is DIFFERENT.
I told him thanks for thinking of caring.
In the court and this past weekend, he actually looked me in the eyes and held it.
One thing we had in common in court, was red eyes. We both cried.
Before this started in 2019 he came to bed and almost under me said, "Sammy, I am afraid of becoming angry like my dad." I was like that will never happen. I didn't know the storm coming.
I am at my witts end.
Not delusional. I know he still loves me. I feel his love. He's having an affair with someone on his job. He's had other affairs. I was in a depression with my dad, and two uncles dying back to back.
I am out and dealing with his stuff. I had to pick my battles.
Not sure what's my question. Maybe I am looking for a magic bullet to get him out of the tunnel.
When he left he was back to being mad at me Sunday.
He has shown signs he wants back in like leaving clues, however, he hasn't ended it with OW.
Can someone explain what late-stage withdrawal looks like and withdrawal into acceptance?
I may be all over the place, excuse me. Wanting to get some out.
Just wanted to let you know that it might be interesting for you to read my story. There you can clearly see that my ex-H made progress very regularly and you could sometimes even distinguish the different stages he went through, but eventually to return completely to the former stages again, something that is also made clear here by the people who have a lot of knowledge of MLC, namely that the stages are not linear at all, so the bottom line is that you can never know in which phase of the process your H is.
For me the message was 'letting go completely' and living a life of my own, this apart from him. This has not only brought me happiness again, but also put a complete stop on the constant eager to analyze him.
The first 3 years I sincerely thought that we would definitely reconcile but the last 6 months I don't need a reconciliation anymore.
It is however ultimately his process and he and he alone can make sure he can fully get through it, which I sincerely hope for him.
I know how confusing it can be when they show signs of making progress. Please just read it and I think you'd better understand what I wanted to say here.
Samoy thank you for your post. That's a lot to unpack and I'd be very confused by some of his behaviors as well. I've read it through a couple of times and my conclusion is that Mach's suggestion is a really good one. Check back in here after you read that link ... I think some of your questions will be answered through the reading - asking you to check back in because I think you'll have other questions after you've read it completely.
I am bumping this up so that you can provide an update here.
As I stated on my thread, you are over analyzing things. There is no rhyme or reason for what they do or don't do. The more you try to figure out what is going on the more you are going to drive yourself nuts. Sit quietly and the answers will come.
Keep the focus on you and what you need to do to live your life to the fullest.
I do understand your confusion, but that is what his crisis is all about...confusion, depression, anxiety and fear of death. We, the lbs, need to step way, way back from their drama because if we don't, we will be down in the rabbit hole with them. Trying to understand what they are doing is something that we all have attempted to do, but in the end, only they know to some degree why they do what they do and say.
For example, a poster that use to post here had a young son who had a children's desk and chair in his room. The h, while in crisis, came there one day and took the chair. Keep in mind the man was entirely too big to even sit in the chair. Another one came back to the home and took all of the coffee mugs. No one could understand that. Another one took the steps from a shed one day. He finally woke up, came home and brought the steps back. He couldn't explain to his wife why he took the steps.
Some keep every text, email, letter, card and wrapping paper that we give them. They are reminders of home or as I like to think...the last thread to home. Some sit in the driveway and just stare at their home, others call the landline to see if it is still active. Some revisit places that we have been that were happy times for them. Others sit in a dark room and don't want to socialize with others. No two situations are alike. It all depends upon the person, their personality, childhood and what transpired during childhood.
So, you see...there is no rhyme or reason for what they do. We can sit here 24/7 and attempt to analyze everything they say and do and we will not get very far because we do not know why they do and say the things they do. Trust, me...they remember everything we have said and done during their crisis.
About the blocked postings. If the friends are friends from his past, he will eventually distance himself from them. That is part of the crisis...distancing from family, pets and friends. If they are the new and improved friends, then maybe he's starting to wake up a bit and starting to let them go. Some of them may have figured out that he's not the person he once was and have decided to distance themselves from him and his drama. Keep in mind, he thinks he's 20 again and his friends have left the 20 something lifestyle behind. They are grown and have different interests now.
As I pointed out...if these are old friends, then he may not be sharing with them like he use to. Whatever the case, time will tell what is going on.
The crisis isn't a one size fits all. Every crisis is different and what they say and do never ceases to amaze me when I read about them.
When you have time, read some of the other threads, you will see that you are not alone on this journey. There is a lot of good information in each and every thread. The more you read and post, not only on your thread, but to others, the more you will learn.
I know you get tired of us saying this...keep the focus on you!
