I’m still very single. I had date redo with guy with young kids. He left early Wednesday to bring his kid to the ER so we went out again Wednesday night . We had a lot of fun. We talked a little about where he is in life. Our sexual chemistry is pretty intense. However, while he’s a great dude , we have have fun together , and did I mention sexual chemistry? The emotional closeness isn’t there . I think he is still emotionally unavailable. There is just a certain distance and disconnect. I know it’s not going to go anywhere. So, I guess when we can hang out , we are just going to have fun when we can.
Honestly, the longer I have gone being a single adult and mom, the harder and more clueless and confused I get about dating. Nothing feels right anymore . I feel like a real relationship just isn’t possible.
Tired. I am just feeling it lately. I spent the weekend grocery shopping, cooking, lawn mowing gardening, cleaning, power washing the house, running errands ….. it’s been so so so so incredibly long since I’ve known what help is. Or sharing responsibilities . It seems so foreign to me . With the financial weight in my shoulders for so long likewise, sometimes I really just want to run away and live in a tiny house or a cabin. Live a minimalist simple life . Like I said, as I get older, and so many years go by being so alone….. the farther away the concept of a partner seems.
My dad has Covid. He’s doing Ok though, pretty exhausted but he thinks he’s going back to the gym tomorrow . Crazy man.
The ex is “alone” currently on the island of saint maarten. I couldn’t help myself , I texted him today . “ a solo vacay to st Maarten, huh?” He replied “yes, I am loving life!” I told him we are different kinds of broke . He said it was money he was saving from when he sold his motorcycle. Interesting way to use it right ?
Which bring me to his comment that he is loving life. I absolutely believe he is. I read from many posters how they speculate their exes aren’t happy, must be miserable, will regret and analyze everything . Guess what. Mine is very happy and has it made . A wife who lets him do whatever he wants . Takes 4 vacations a year. Goes to concerts every weekend. Gets to be dad maybe 2-3 times a week. Has an incredible ex wife who is raising his daughter quite well and hasn’t made his life miserable. Oh, and he has a job where he can retire at 55 ( thanks to my dad and his wife). He is absolutely happy. And I am not going to try to speculate how he could not be. Because he is. T
Who knows ? Maybe I am the exception to the rule. Mine married the AP. He’s stayed together with her. He really is happier. And here I am , not the one who went on to find a wonderful man, grow my family, etc. i must look like a total loser to him. Yet, here he is quite happy.
Mach - I'm so sorry for your loss. As you know, I nursed my boyfriend through his 3 1/2 year battle with stage 4 lung cancer and he passed in December. It's so tough, but it also teaches you to live each day, right?
Thanks K, and everyone else who has expressed their condolences.. Very much appreciated....
I don't know the answer to that last part for now. I'm still trying to get through each day. Day by Day, hour by hour, minute by minute....
The waves come and go out of nowhere.
Coming back here and posting is bittersweet for me. We both have ties to this place. What we are, who we are. Similar paths to find each other, yet differing still in so many ways. Her beauty, her passion, her ferocity were an inspiration to me...daily.
When I say that we 'loved' each other...I mean we LOVED each other. We set our love on fire and unfortunately, the candle burned out way too fast.
Onward I go, to still honor and love her with all of my being. Even after death we do part..
She will always be in my heart.
Sorry for the hijack G....
It still warms my heart remembering her and Baby G doing cartwheels together...: )
I’m sitting here in a dentist chair waiting for my crown to be made and I thought I would at b up.
1) I dated when I was separated too. It’s not not a “moral” thing to me if they aren’t living together and in the proceedings. The part for me as to why I don’t like to be separated men is because I know they need time to be single and heal. That’s my hesitation
2) I don’t know that he is emotionally available or unavailable. He’s been very open with me, he hasn’t been guarded or emotionally distant. We have talked about everything and anything .
3) I’ve also dated men who were divorced for a few years. And they were messes. Which is why I’ve been more flexible with my hard and fast rules
4) the forehead kiss wasn’t a “move” it was just nice .
5) he’s not a “wealthy man of status” he has a career and he makes a living . I have no idea how much. I know he isn’t living with his parents. I know those townhomes cost a few bucks. That’s all. And I’m attracted to the person he is. And I like that we grew up very different yet both had overcome something pretty huge .
6) I don’t know what or if anything will come out of this. But perfect on paper hasn’t worked out ver well for me.
7) he asked me out for this Thursday. He will be away for 2 weeks. We are both looking forward to it. Nothing wrong with that
Wow....I post something about myself and this thread shuts down huh ?
I don't need any responses actually. I kinda felt bad tying G's thread up with my crap.
And WOW, this place has changed....it certainly isn't what I remember it being. It isn't the place that I came to all those years ago.
I saw somewhere that someone was a 'victim' of Cyberbullying .....really ?
Holy schidtcicles...
I wouldn't be where I am today without being pushed, and sometimes into a corner.
I had 2 options then....stay there and hide from myself and the hard questions....
Or face the truth within myself and come out of the corner....stronger...
I suppose that everyone is different, and not everyone reacts and interprets things the same.
I suppose it isn't much different than any other social outlet that we have today.
It's about the "likes" or the "views"...instead of it being about truth, integrity, and honor...
It feeds the massive Ego in some people. Better to be well liked than to be honest...
Kinda like...."oh, I have the answer because I read it online !!! "
Not because they have life experience to back their words. Or actually done the work on them self to KNOW the answer...
"Hey, I look good on paper...I can talk the talk, but I cannot walk the walk...."
Pfft....I deserve better from myself, for myself...
And I am fairly sure that posting here, and laying our story out here is still a choice that is made...
I do agree that there is a downtrend in new people staying around. I think that the main contributor for that though is that everything in our world had become disposable. Including our marriages...
Don't like this or that ?
Feeling hurt ? Pride hurt ?
F it....end the marriage. That will show her/him.....
Maybe that is why there is so much discussion on the online dating thing.
We can be anything we want to be online....
Yet online doesn't demand accountability from us. Only we can do that.
What has always been different about here, was that we held each other accountable in our thoughts. feelings, words, actions....etc...
Anywoo....that's my .02
G....
You doing anything fun for this holiday weekend ???
Mach you and I had a discussion recently that came in hot, but I think it's safe to say worked out well in the end with each of us having a better understanding of where the other was coming from??
Sadly, that doesn't seem to be the norm any longer.
P.S. Had a conversation yesterday and one of the big items on my 4th step list came up ... I was able to talk about it without having any feelings get stirred up. Safe to say that dragon's been slayed. I've forgiven both myself and my ex for that big issue. Nice to have that one in the rear view mirror. Thanks for your help with that. It reinforced the work I was doing.
As far as these boards. Mach nailed it. There was a time you came here and got nothing but the truth. But that truth was meant to help push you along and not keep you stuck and really dig deep. The turn these boards made is not that it is harsh. It’s that it’s mostly validation centered and the tough love truth isn’t welcomed anymore.
Some comments I've received or witnessed have born far more resemblance to personal attacks than validation or loving attempts to tell tough "truths" (opinions). Setting aside those who are mean-spirited, I think on the Internet some are quicker to assume they know TheTruth and BeBlunt than they'd be with an acquaintance recounting a tough time in-person. That's maybe par for the Internet, but it's not "tough love". Tough love requires compassion. "Would I assume and say this in-person?" My $0.02 for those trying to help others. I get those who have given up on these forums. I miss AnotherStander; he gave me and others the most amazing advice in Newcomers. I'm still here, doing what I can to help the occasional Newcomers.
I can certainly say that I don't agree with you, but hey, whatever....
You are certainly entitled to your opinion...
Just so ya know....I have looked G in the eyes and told her the same things that I would post to her...
I would do that with any person that sits with me and asks me what I think. I owe that to them.
It is their choice what they do with that information. I have seen people grow and learn from it...and I have seen people that take their toys from the sandbox and go home....
The ones that have chosen to "hear" it, are some of the most amazing, self aware, genuine people that I have had the pleasure of calling a friend...
"The truth" , I personally would rather have 3 people telling me what they saw in my situation , be it harsh, be it truthful, be it hard to hear.....than I would to have 50 people giving me a participation trophy, and patting me on the back and saying "It's okay, I'm sorry".....
I have nothing to learn from, when I get the ribbon for just showing up...
One of the beautiful things from CHOOSING to post here, is that we take what we need, and discard the rest.
We look closely at the things that shoot those little stings up the back of our neck, because those are the things that typically, we do not like about our self.
If it stings ? You better look at it...
Compassion is as varied as the interpreter perceives it. Compassion to me means something different than it does to you if I am reading you correctly.
Compassion to me means that people care enough about what I am going through, or what they see in me, to help me through something. I get to choose how, and why that affects me, but their intentions are good, and pure.
Compassion is caring enough to be involved, and trying to make a difference....
Being involved, had always been the foundation that these boards were built on....
Compassion and truth were the bricks and mortar...
And of course. there was occasionally a sandbox, void of its toys, in the backyard....
And he did the sweetest thing before we parted ways. He kissed me on the forehead. No one has done that in I can’t tell you how long.
Hmmm. I will have to add that to my repertoire.
Haha, lots of good lessons to learn here on the boards!
Here's another lesson:
For a kiss on the forehead to have any value or meaning it should be from the heart, NOT PART OF AN EFFING REPERTOIRE!
Cheese n Rice that comment frosts my cookies. THIS is PART OF THE EFFING PROBLEM.
DROP THE EFFING STATS STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR LEFT BRAIN TO ANALYZE A FREAKING EMOTION LIKE LOVE STOP STOCKPILING THINGS FOR A REPERTOIRE TO UP YOUR CHANCES OF GETTING ACTION.
I dated within a few months of my ex leaving. BUT I had been DBing my marriage for years, had reconciled once before, my ex was a three time offender, and I was completely sure that I would never take hm back under ANY circumstances. I was done and really healed at that time - I had peace in my heart that I had done everything possible for my marriage, and peace that I did not want him back. Just because it took another year to complete the legal process of a divorce, I was more than ready to date and I did.
Some people's divorce drag out for a long time for reasons other than attachment. And some people went through the necessary emotional process before their ex left. I'm not saying it's common, necessarily - and it's a reason why you have to assess whether someone is truly done with their marriage or not.
This ^^^^
To the outside world...for me, the perception was that things moved quickly....
In reality...
I was 30 months post bomb, and had been ready for a while.....
The only "newness" was that information, to other people....
LH....
Keep going and you are gonna get your eyes scratched out by one of these women here....: )
I'm honestly unsure at this point if you are just randomly saying stupid Schidt to rile them up, or if you truly are having a hard time equating your version of what a Woman wants, to what they actually want...
???
Either way, I'm fine with it. Just seems to be a daily watch for the carnage from the train wreck.
B-lady is correct. The Forehead kiss isn't a trick or a ploy....
The difference between it being real and being a trick, involve being deeper than a "kiddie pool" with a massive hole in it....
And until you know the difference.....
I feel that your frustrations in the dating world are self induced.....
Mach half the $hit you write doesn't make any sense to me. The part I understood, sometimes I like to rile them up and sometimes I speak the truth......
It's like swimming in a bathtub that has an upside down hole in it lol.
Maybe that's the disconnect....
And it isn't that you don't understand me that is the concern...
It's that you either don't understand the female brain in all of it's beauty....
Or you don't care, and are just passing time with firing them up.
And truth ....
Your truth ?
Their truth ?
Statistically true ?
Because statistics can be manipulated into any conclusion that you want to have, or make it..
Hell, 50% of the Women posting to you today on this thread, think you are an idiot....
Just woke up from a nap. Being at the dentist for 3 hours knocked me off.
Well. I’m lost on the commentary with the Texan on what I over looked and invested. I didn’t overlook anything. I saw what I saw and when it wasn’t working for me I ended it. No investment. No heartache. I did what I needed to do when I needed to. I wasn’t invested.
I known probability isn’t on my side. I have many many situations and occurrences that went against the odds that weren’t in my favor. Relationship wise and not relationship wise. I’m leeway sure the stats on my ex getting married to his AP and staying married for 11 years was slim to none. I just know that in the end I don’t know how much the stats matter.
This guy does have green flags. He does know how to make a date. He chose the place , made a reservation, everything . Was very kind to wait staff . He has a fantastic relationship with his family. Gainfully employed. He’s a dog lover like me . He has no kids because he can’t have them but he loves his nieces and nephews. He has friends. He plays hockey a few times a week, goes to the gym often. Stays in shape and stays healthy.
I feel given all of that I would be an idiot to just walk away. So I’m going to just play it by ear . Play it cool too
