Taz, Yep - I hear ya on the not feeling it and also taking other posters' experiences as cautionary tales. I will say I've been feeling a little more open to maybe meeting someone lately, but ... I feel like a bit of a feral cat!
We will both get there when we're supposed to. Have a great day and glad you posted an update.
Good question. I'm just not feeling it yet, need to heal a bit more and continue to grow as a person before I head down that road. May be a bit of fear as well. Some of the bad experiences that other posters have shared lead me to be a bit cautious. I'll get there.
T
I really respect and admire that, Taz. My BD series started in 2013, and he filed in 2018, and I am finally waiting for trial in February. I have teens and don't see how I could ever keep food on the table, pursue my art and also find time to go on a date, let alone be a caring and loving partner to someone.
That said, I noticed recently that I caught myself wishing someone would want to take me to dinner once, just to get to have some great conversation with an adult who thought of me as more than a friend. The thought of someone intentionally asking to spend time with me (and actually pay for my food!) seems so impossible and amazing. I would never do the on-line thing but I do sometimes think of it, not to find a partner but just go to dinner!
Also totally agree about the kids. Sometimes I want to pressure mine and sometimes I do, but mostly I try to keep the lines of trust and communication open. I am reading (listening to actually) a lot of books on childhood trauma (most notably the Body Keeps the Score and What Happened to You but for a manly approach I also liked Own Your Past, Change Your Future) to work out my own childhood trauma and how it led me to marry such a dark force of a man -- but I also realize how deeply my kids are living out the trauma they experienced in small ways everyday -- anxiety, aches and pains, fears, lack of focus. My main job is to love them with as much openness of heart as I can find.
(Also your son is correct! I love WV, my mom moved out to Harper's Ferry some years back and I was always amazed at how gorgeous it is, so healing, so much clarity out there in the woods and mountains. As a kid we used to camp at Cunningham Falls, I forget if that's WV or the edge of MD/VA.)
Hey, Taz, based on your posts since you arrived, you seem like a really good guy who does not engage ever in BS. That's unusual! I think if/when you are ever ready, someone will be lucky to spend time with you. But if you aren't, it's also excellent that you are complete on your own. I think that's where I am too.
Life is good. Still hitting the gym 3-4 days a week and walking daily. Put on 5lbs and am now only 15lbs below pre BD weight which is a healthy weight for me. Work is good as our firm had our best year ever. I am starting to think about retirement but don’t have any concrete plans as of yet. Go out with friends 3 nights a week and vacation twice a year with my usual crew. 4 year BD and 1 year divorce anniversaries passed with minimal feelings. Not dating but have some new female friends that I socialize with.
S24 is still taking a break from white collar work. This year he has worked at a BSA high adventure camp in the Florida Keys, a fall camp in WV teaching elementary kids outdoor skills, and is now back in Colorado working at a ski resort. He seems to be enjoying life to the fullest. I only provide guidance if asked. He has applied to graduate school for a masters in an engineering technology that will start in late summer if accepted. He lives with me in between assignments.
S22 graduated with his BSEE in May (3.99GPA) and has started law school. Fortunately he has a full tuition scholarship so I only assist with room and board. He is planning on focusing on intellectual property law and has been interviewing for summer internships. Kid is a genius. Kind of humbling when you have to face that your kids are smarter that you.
My XMIL still sends me holiday and b-day greeting cards. She calls me occasionally to chat and ask about my parents and the boys. I never mention or ask about XW.
XW?? She’s a full time vanisher and haven’t heard from her in over a year. S24 told me he had lunch with her this spring after not seeing her in over 2 years. S22 hasn’t seen her in over 2 years which I assume is his choice. I do hope that one day she gets it together and attempts to reconcile with them.
