I've been offline for a while. Started to focus hard on GALing. Lots of new developments, but honestly nothing really positive.
I asked my WAS to move out of the house last Tuesday, the lack of respect, her alcoholism and her "moving on" while under the same roof, just threw me over the edge. She moved to her parents home 10 minutes away. We've been swapping the kids every two days. Not having them fulltime is killing me, I miss my family soo much it hurts. I've been seeing a lot of friends and family, but it's just not the same. I never envisioned this lifestyle for myself. I loved having a family and full house.
I still find it shocking that my WAS wouldn't consider therapy and is ready and more than willing to walk away from everything we built. I keep expecting to wake up from this horrible dream. I really need to come to terms with this fast. I struggle with "the new her" she's become the past year, she's a completely different person. She said she's trying to get the drinking under control, she's also booked an appointment with her doctor to discuss her situation. Seems her parents, the car accident (and I) finally broke through her alcoholism denials. I'm not convinced she'll be 100% open and honest with her doctor, but after reading you all I understand that its not my problem anymore. My concern in all this is obviously the kids.
She agreed to move out for 2 weeks, however she expects to come back and we start swapping the family home until official separation. A few of you suggested I grab my balls back and refuse, but like May22 says, it's not really in my control. I can't legally kick her out of the house, I also can't expect her to respect "house rules", so I don't see how I can avoid nesting for the remaining month or two. I'm open to suggestions.
I haven't resumed contact with the friend/x-GF or any others based on everyone's suggestion. I'm still a little perplexed by this one though. Is it in the goal of focusing on just me and not confusing my thoughts? Is it to focus on reconciling if that is in fact what the LBS wants? Is it to avoid hurting someone else? I mean my WAS is clear she's moving on, are we LBS' expected to remain celibate? Any info on this one is also appreciated.
I agreed to nest at the beginning of our separation because H sold it as a trial separation and I was desperate to not believe that he really wanted to leave.
It was brutal and I wholeheartedly do not recommend it. H used it as an opportunity to point out all my flaws and justify his departure 'the house was messy when you left' (it wasn't), 'you left me with no food' (I didn't) 'you purposely left my dirty laundry and didn't do it with the rest of the kids' clothes' (not true, I just didn't get to laundry those two days). Transitions were awful, and the fact that I had to see him and his shark eyes every few days nearly killed me. Peace became more attainable when he actually moved out for real and I was able to claim my space, get into more of a rhythm and start to heal.
And the kids were mightily confused. It was like pulling an old, stuck bandaid off reeeeaalllly slowly. Because H wasn't willing to tell the kids or me the truth (he wanted out and wanted a D), they didn't know up from down. Nor did I.
Nesting is for people who either are amicably separating and have a clear, defined direction (and are both on the same page with themselves and the kids) or it is for cake-eating walkaways and waywards who are confused about what they really want. H had 2 or 3 reconciliation attempts during our nesting phase when he told the children we were never going to get divorced, he loved me more than the earth and sky etc, etc (vomit) etc.
