Summary: ExW & I (late 30s) were together 9 years, married 7, with two young children (then S4/D1, now S6/D3). Less than 2 years ago we were vacationing as a family in Disney; two weeks later BD & discover her affair w/married co-worker. For months I pursued, chased, begged, snooped...etc. I was home putting the kids to bed and getting them ready in the morning while she's out running around on me. Affair w/OM1 blows up when work & OM1's wife find out, but instead of working on the marriage she starts up w/OM2, moves out, files for divorce, moves OM2 right in (including with my kids). We separated 14 months ago and the divorce legally finalized 4 months ago. She's been living with OM2 for over a year now, and is about to move across the street from his sister.
I'm doing much better than a year ago. I have a fantastic family support system and good friends. I was always a great dad but have dedicated myself to being their rock, back on track at work, coaching S6's sports teams, playing sports myself, started grad school classes, projects around the house...etc. Made it a point not to date until after D was official - moral thing for me and my kids - but really haven't done much there since the D either. Still have points of anger I'm dealing with. I'm having a tough time swallowing the pill of OM2 living with and influencing my kids.
Starting my latest thread here in "Surviving the Big D", jumping over from "Newcomers" as was suggested in my last thread, now that the D is official and I'm dealing with post-D parenting issues and anger issues w/ExW and OM2 living with my kids.
Would appreciate any and all feedback folks are willing to give!
Friday met up with three buddies for happy hour and wings, and also applied for membership at a country club at which many of my best local friends are members. I spent a good amount of time there as a guest last Summer on my "off" weekends, and they've been at me to formally join, and I feel comfortable doing so now that my finances/expenses have settled post-D. I'll be able to take the kids to the pool when I have them and golf when I don't, and there are also social events like the "Mingle & Jingle" Christmas party next weekend which I'll go to with all my friends.
Saturday I met up for lunch with a buddy of mine and his wife and then we went to a casino to watch college football. I'm not much of a gambler like they are, but figured it was a day out and ended up winning some money at blackjack and even more at craps, so that was a plus.
This morning I played pickleball for the first time (I do play tennis, so it's right up my alley) and in the afternoon went by myself to open skating at a local ice rink and unexpectedly ran into several people I know (my neighbors, a dad & kid from S6's sports team I coach, and classmate I haven't seen in a awhile).
Tonight I'm going to submit the last homework assignment of the semester for my first grad school course and then start tackling the take-home final.
I was feeling a bit down today related to kids & OM2. Earlier this week I dropped off them off for the first time at ExW's new house, which is directly across the street from OM2's sister and her family. Looked like the two places coordinated Halloween decorations, and I'm sure they'll just be spending lots of time together as one big happy family. Then today S6 brought home a paper from 1st grade in which ExW had written OM2's pet name in the box for his family. I realize it's something I have no control over and have to get over it, but it still stings me as their father to know a person ExW betrayed me with is spending time raising my kids, and it's crazy to me how all of a sudden me and my family have been replaced with spares and the kids are just "dragged and dropped" into a brand new "family".
On the bright side...I have the kids for the next week and a half, so looking forward to that. I overheard S6 bragging to some of the other kids at their practice "hey guys my dad plays soccer, like real soccer" which made me proud to hear him say (he doesn't know it's just rec adult league lol). Also...I aced my grad school midterm!
