Ok I'm here and I'm hoping the handful of us that are out there will follow. Granted I know Steve is here already. I'm probably going to post in rapid succession just so I can establish a decent thread here that's easy enough to follow should some one show up a while down the road. Basics, the recon list with my answers, and where I'm at right now.
First up the basics:
Here's my original thread: https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=62699&Number=2878654#Post2878654 Timeline: H38 Me 37 T 8 M 4 D17 H's from previous relationship D18 from my previous relationship EA started in mid Oct 2019 became a PA in late Dec 2019 Late Nov 2019 ILYBNILWY IHS H planned to leave MR for life with OW In Apr 2020 OW dumped H Mid Feb 2020 Covid lock-down Mar 13, 2020 - H couldn't leave no matter how much he wanted to April-Jun 2020 H slowly let go of leaving the MR ASAP and started trying with me without ever saying as much July 2020 H returned to MBR, and finally said ILY Piecing since
This is the requisite piecing disclaimer since sandi doesn't seem to be around to make sure it gets posted:
Originally Posted by sandi2
"If anyone is coming here from Newcomers or MLC or any of the other forums... and you think that the advice here is different...it is.
It is different. DO NOT take advice from Piecing and apply it to a newcomer situation. Do not apply it to god forbid an MLC situation.
Piecing is when both parties are (or say they are) committed to working on the relationship and even then? Give it a few weeks or months to see if that is true.
Oh wow, I knew I ducked out for a while but I guess I hadn't realized how long of a while it had been.
The girls are both in college now. StepD 19 after moving out for a little bit in 2021 moved in with us full time after her 18th bday, and she's doing so, so well in college. I can't explain how happy we are. D 20 changed her major twice but we've settled in. They are both at home and commuting to school. D20 says it's the best of both worlds. I don't hound her about curfew and she still gets to eat my cooking and sleep in her queen sized bed.
H and I are doing really, really well. We've gotten better at fighting. Still not where I'd like us to be but it's always improving so I can't complain. He got snipped in Nov so babies are totally off the table now. Which I was ready for. It was a long discussion, and several smaller one and I'm just happy to be in this part of our life and not starting over. Best part is his drive is finally on par with mine now, and with kids barely in the house it's been great.
I have a friend I've sent this way. He and his W are in it right now. Really in it. She is one of my best friends and walked with me through this process so it was super disheartening that this has happened. I've sent him this way so he can have the kind of support I had. I know I can't offer him all the support he needs. Especially since this stuff is still kind of fresh. The wounds are healed but definitely still pink and puffy. They aren't long ago born battle scars yet. While it does bring up some things for me it's also brought up a lot of good convos for H and I. He's really said somethings that show me how far he's come since then. How just genuinely remorseful his was and is. How clearly he can see how off the rails he was then. He looked at me and said there are two reasons we are where we are now lockdown and you're refusal to give up. We wouldn't be where we are if you had given up and me and us. And it put me in tears. A year out that conversation felt like lip service or an all of a sudden realization. Now the way he says it you can feel the earnestness in his words.
I know the path I took to get us where we are today isn't for the faint of heart. And I had to endure a lot of people calling me a doormat and pathetic to stand for my marriage. I had to endure a lot living with him through all of that. I'll never be one of those people who says I'm glad we went through that to get here. No one should have to go through that to have the kind of MR I have now, but I am glad that we were able to make this fantastic lemonade out of all those lemons and my H is giving me the credit for making it so sweet.
