Hi G. Hope you're doing well. If I'm interpreting your update, that I read a couple times, it sounds like you're processing. Not sure where 'frustration' sits on the non-linear healing path. Your reasons resonate.
Originally Posted by Grok
The frustration of it all!!! Decades of planning, careful work, and ... yeah... I had XW and I set up to be able to retire in our early 60s with a middle-class income for life. Now it will be another ten years to get back to where I was financially at BD.
Better not bitter. It's taken me a bit of time to not be bitter. Sometimes, I'm bitter and not better.
Could you be frustrated with trying to make sense of what doesn't make any sense? Trying to figure out what's next? Feeling helpless through the betrayal? Something else? Dig into this one.
On my side, I even have some residual anger. While I know we both worked hard through the years to be 'set for life' at a rather early retirement age, H (exW) blew it up. Still, I don't hate him (not suggesting you do).
I'm adding years to my career. Reading your update, 10 years is likely spot on. I don't fear adding years. Simply put, I'm disappointed.
Forgiveness may come once you no longer replay the events in your head with the same level of anger/bitterness. You'll completely accept what she's done. Radical acceptance. This is how I know that I haven't fully forgiven. You maintain good boundaries and only share what's needed with your kiddos. This is commendable. From my seat, you're not numb. HER story isn't defining you.
Sounds like you're getting hints of apologies. She is dropping hints through her swirly talks. What's her motive? Who knows - those cheeseless tunnels reappear. Vets say that we'll know a full apology when it comes. I'm not holding my breath. lol
Originally Posted by G
my XW once almost whispered to me, "G, you're the only one I can tell and will listen. Everyone else will just condemn and cut me off."
I see your example to resemble the outreach from my H to our kids over this summer. There have been 2 - both moments of grief (heavy emotion) in his path. MLCer will turn to the family who once provided stability. Keep hold of those boundaries. Don't rescue. She's feeling those consequences.
