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If you think all of this is driving you crazy, just think what is going on in his brain. You are the sane one at the moment and his emotions and the wiring in his brain is misfiring all over the place. He's not going to talk to you about the situation unless you push him and then he'll start up that nonsense of leaving home and finding an apartment. As long as he feels comfortable at home and is not pressured to shape up and get it together, he will stay. I've seen a lot of them like this and it about drives the spouse/partner absolutely nuts. The only thing you can do is go somewhere and scream as loud as you can. Take a walk, do something that is really physical that requires your strength and full attention, find a pillow and beat the living daylights out of it.
I honestly don't think he even knows what he wants to do at this point, but I can assure you, if you push for answers, he will threaten to leave again.
I know this is driving you nuts. I went through this for about 18 months and when I finally opened the door and told him that he could leave, he sat on the couch and cried and admitted he didn't know what he wanted to do...but three weeks later he left and never returned.
If you really and truly want him to leave, start pushing. If you don't want him to leave, you will need to find a way to channel your frustration into something else.
