Hey, Dave. I'm glad you found your way here, and as you have likely seen, the community is a wonderful resource. Sometimes it can be tough to hear the feedback, and my experience is that good intent and/or experience underlies all of it. Though I've not seen him active lately, there is a board member named Ready2Change who would often chime in on posts like yours. In his absence, I'm going to channel a little R2C in saying that I can't imagine your W is finding much of your behavior very attractive. To me, it is coming across as very needy, awaiting her every move or response, and orbiting around her rather than truly focusing on healing yourself in ways not dependent upon her presence. 180s are tough; you are 100% right about the discomfort they cause us, and when I was where you are, it took a leap of faith. Members like Boat and Kind18 were thankfully candid with me, and I got to a point where nothing else was working, so what did I have to lose by listening to them?

DNJ and Job offered "gentler" feedback that remains highly valuable. And, if you've read many posts here, you may have seen something along the lines of "you didn't break your spouse; you can't fix them." As DNJ says, she has to burn through all she's amassed. Like any fire, the closer you get, the less oxygen YOU have to breathe for yourself. Let go of trying to be there for her all the time. Let her see what it is like when she doesn't have you easily accessible as a safety net to bail her out or offer comfort at her whim. Are you taking the best care of yourself that you could be? What else makes you happy that doesn't depend on her? If this doesn't work out, what else have you built to support yourself for the short- to mid-term? If you have an EAP at work or perhaps a personal therapist, take advantage of that benefit to get some more personalized guidance.

We all want to see you happy and thriving, irrespective of whether W will remain a part of your life.