MG,
Overall I think this was a very positive experience. What I love the most was that you weren't even trying to DB. You were present in the moment with you and your kids... and that's when life gets beautiful.

How people feel about us... is really none of our business. However they look at you, whatever they think of you... let them. Your focus is where it should be. Sharing memories with people you love and that love you.


Originally Posted by MamaG
It's confusing. I'm reminded that Divorce Busting is counterintuitive. At the party, I was comfortable with H doing what he wanted. I was doing what I wanted. I didn't have an urge to bring him in or otherwise. Choices. Actions. Consequences. Afterwards, as I reflect, I felt like I was snubbing him. Rude. I question if I should've been the bigger person and waived from a afar as I walked up the driveway? Isn't ignoring toxic? Avoiding isn't healthy. Was I avoiding? Accepting his wishes and behaving accordingly?

I ask because being a better human is in my cards. His return isn't mine to control. Kids are watching. Kids followed and didn't engage either. .

Detachment is hard ain't it?

Here you are about to pick up the rope here in your post

.... AND YET.... you check yourself.. and decide not to.

Originally Posted by MamaG
As for me, I've done more reflecting on how I contributed to the fallout of my marriage. This has helped me. I enabled him descent. I'm not condoning his coping techniques nor anything he's made decisions to do. Still, I'm able to see that doing more isn't the answer. Carrying his weight isn't the answer. Excusing what he lacks isn't the answer. Fixing everything is control and not helpful. Still learning. Still healing. Still hurting. Beginning to thrive.

Really well done. THIS ^^^^ is the work. It's not about ignoring our feelings or our love for our SO. It's knowing the part we played in the story our marriage. It's about re-discovering the part we need to play in our own personal story.

This is a conversation and debate you will have many times with yourself. It's part of the healing process. You are exactly where you need to be.