JoJo12, I'm sorry that you find yourself here. I wish I hadn't been given a reason to search for a forum like this one but am certainly glad I found it. Albeit, I found this site a year after my first bomb drop and 5 months after the second bomb drop. Everything hit the fan at the second bomb drop.

I stop in to share with you that I could've written your last entry 1.5 months after BD2. I was certain that I could sway H. After all, we were different than other couples. We led a fairytale life. Kids moved to universities and we now had the run of the house. Minimal bills. No one to interrupt us. No kids to shuffle around. Life could slow down and it would be just us.

Despite living exactly what you described in the last entry, H moved out at 2.5 months post BD2. I was crushed. H was trying. I was doing all I could. We both seemed to be making amends. I learned later that H was conflicted and some force kept pulling him away. H fought. Some days he won and some days...well, temptation won. H shared with me one night as I held him tight, "It's like a switch flipped and I don't know how to flip it back. I'm trying and can't seem to flip it. I'm drowning in these waves." As I tried to physically pull away to get a drink of water, H pulled me in tighter and begged me to not let him go. Still, H moved out...down the street.

Remain hopeful. All the while realizing that there is little (or nothing) we can do. H is an adult and will make his own choices. H is on a journey. Live your journey.

One of many comments shared by this group is to drop the rope. It took me a LONG time to understand this. Well, mostly to embrace this. It still takes deliberate thought and decisioning to not rescue H in the few times we interact.

We understand and send you encouragement. Keep posting. You are stronger than you know AND I encourage you to continue following guidance given here. Veterans continue to help me on my journey and I'm so thankful.