Good Morning MG

I’m glad you decided to attend Nephew’s graduation. At the moment, he is still family. And there are less regrets this way.

Originally Posted by MamaG
I was uncomfortable in my own skin and remained visibly controlled. Well, this is graduation #3 that both of us attending with inspirational speeches we can't avoid. They all focus on being authentic, living without fear, face challenges, relationships are what matter most when you look back, don't hide from your feelings, and on and on. Other than laughing with D and a couple family members in front of me, I remained quiet and reserved.

I hear you. I was uncomfortable for a while as well.

I’ve had five graduations now, and in a week will be the second wedding. The speeches don’t bother me anymore; for a I live them.

I didn’t choose this path, XW did. However, I can, and I did, choose how I responded to it.

Originally Posted by MamaG
Originally Posted by DnJ
Truth will out. You need not force it. Everything comes out eventually. Live and love your life - accordingly. Responsibility. Properly. With accountability. Respectfully (to self and others). Genuinely. Sincerely.

Isn't that the truth!?!

As father of the groom I’ve been asked to make one of those speeches. smile It’s also expected for the parents to say a few words. XW has opted out, both times. Sincerity. How do you give a few words at a wedding regarding love, honour, respect, commitment, etc. when you are living the opposite.

Anyhow, I’ve accepted. And like last wedding, I’ll go it solo. The speech, and attending. lol. I’m pretty comfortable in my skin.

Originally Posted by MamaG
D: You need to tell brother. He's disappointed that you don't tell him things.

Pay attention. The door has been opened. Adult kids are looking for the truth.

Originally Posted by MamaG
D: Mom, I'm so angry with him for what he's taken from me. What he's done to me. And now what he's doing to you and our family.

You don’t feed this fire. You also don’t try to extinguish it. It’s not your job to facilitate or repair the relationship between Dad and kid; it’s your job not to destroy it (by your hand).

Acknowledge D’s feelings, her anger, and such. And help her walk her path, her journey. How she responds to a situation she didn’t choose.

Originally Posted by MamaG
D: Don't worry about telling brother. He's had enough of dad too.
M: What do you mean? You know he doesn't share with me.
D: He's called and texted dad many times over the last couple months and dad doesn't respond.
M: Wow, I didn't know.
D: Ya, brother's last text to dad wasn't a good one.
D: Brother texted, "Dad do I have the wrong number? I've been reaching out but am not hearing back from you."
M: I'm sorry D. I'll talk to S.

MLCer’s become terrible parents. They ghost their own kids. Especially those who hold them accountable.

We LBS are the strong stable parent. Reach out to son.

Now, at times, your kids are going to lash out at you. Lash out undeservingly even. You see they cannot risk loosing Dad yet, so they vent at the strong stable parent.

That be said, I suspect daughter is about ready, or really close to being able to blast/talk/say her piece to Dad and let the chips fall where they will. Son will follow suit shortly.

Don’t fret. It’s perfectly healthy and healing for them.

Originally Posted by MamaG
I finish my ride home with what seemed like never ending tears. I feel a surge of emotions. Life felt bittersweet in that 20 minutes - mostly bitter. Sad. Angry. Relieved. Validated. Disheartened. Oh those feelings! Can't seem to get away from them. It's been a weekend.

(((Hugs)))

I suspect those feelings have now subsided. Mostly.

I too have moments like that. Still. After eight years. Though, it passes rather quickly. Acceptance doesn’t erase your past or feelings; you just don’t fight them. In acceptance, I find I’m almost never angry about the situation. Sometimes, sad, melancholy, nostalgic. Vastly, living my life. Fulfilled. Meaningful. Happy. Hopeful.

It’s fine to have such feelings as you experienced. Calm the waters. Let your subconscious churn away, while you do some yard work. Or go for a walk. Or bbq a steak. Oh yes, bbq a steak. Yum. With baked potatoes. Mushrooms. Smoothed in butter. OMG! (I shouldn’t post when I’m hungry. lol)

Have a great day MG.

D



Let’s see, mmmm, yes that will do fine. <Me: Thawing a steak for dinner.>