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That self medicating - looking for external happiness - takes many forms. Drinking, drugs, spending money, thrill seeking, fast cars, illegal and illicit behaviours, affairs, etc. The rush they get from their current running behaviour usually gets old fast and they spin off to a new one.
Originally Posted by bkerchik
2. The wine is now home. Do I drink it? I really don’t want to but I kinda do. But I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.
Don’t make a big deal out of it, or read to much meaning in to things. It’s just wine, treat it as such. Try it. If you like it, enjoy it. (Moderately. Alcohol can mess up our path, view, of things pretty quick when we are so hurt and confused. H is living proof, right?)
Originally Posted by bkerchik
4. H says he’s staying the summer. That means that we go on family vacation together. It’s going to be so hard going there knowing I might never have that again. Anyway, it’s still over a month away, but some things like boarding the dog need to be done now. Do I bring it up? Do I just take care of it like I always would? The cabin we stay at doesn’t have everything we need so we have to take a lot with us. I usually do all that packing. Do I tell that h that it’s on him now?
I’d arrange boarding the dog, like you always did. I’d keep H in the loop. Kind and cordial.
The vacation is a month away. Plenty “could” happen between now and then. What actually will happen, time will tell. Point is, expectations. Dial your expectations to zero. Unmet expectations lead to resentments.
H could go along with everything. The planning and packing and such all being smooth. H could also flip direction and do a last minute “I’m not going”. Either way, whatever happens, you and the daughters are going on vacation! (Hopefully, Dad’s coming along.) That’s your mindset. So, do things, make plans, that way. Without relying on H’s involvement, attendance, or actually doing a certain part of the plan (like arranging boarding of dog).
Folks in emotional turmoil have the attention span of a gnat. They will promise all manner of stuff and “blink” forget about it the next moment. Ensure you do what you need to get done. And that’s not just for going on vacation. Bills, picking someone up, shopping, etc: H is presently flaky, it’s best to ensure needed things happen regardless of his actions or inactions.
As for packing: Keep H in the know and let him do his own packing. “Hey H, I got the dog boarding looked after and working on getting the dishes and bedding (or whatever joint/family items it is) gathered up. I’ll leave your packing to you.”
Alcohol can mess up our path, view, of things pretty quick when we are so hurt and confused. H is living proof, right?)