I hope everyone had a good Easter. Good Friday went the way it thought it would …I cried. My D17 told me it was okay because she cried last year. I love that girl! Easter was good and felt so normal I could have screamed.

It baffles me how he can just pretend things are okay. I guess to a certain extent I am too for now. I just loose it on my own time. I think that’s what confuses me the most. He acts like nothing has happened, even when it’s just the two of us in the house. I know it’s probably guilt but it’s so nuts! And we don’t fight. The closest we’ve come to that was BD. And then voices weren’t even raised. Disagree, yes, but I can’t remember the last time we had a real fight. Since I dropped giving him a hard time about spending so much time with the band, like 3-4 years ago, it’s stopped. Of course he thought I did that to “keep the peace”, not because I actually cared.

Anyway, DBing the best I can. I’m trying so hard to stay positive around him but sometimes I struggle and I don’t want to look like I’m moping. I converse when things are brought up. I don’t even tell him what I’m doing for the day unless he asks. And I don’t ask him unless I need to know for D pick up. He will just tell me. Not sure if he is pulling away more because of that. It all feels wrong and I know it’s supposed to. I also talked to my Dr and got a script to help me sleep. That has been huge.


Got my bike back from its tune up! Now I need the weather to not be crappy so I can get out!