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Such a roller coaster!!! I thought I had a good couple days DB’ing. Treating him like a roommate, only engaging when engaged or about the D’s. And one little comment asking me if I’ve told a certain friend what’s going on and I lose after he’s left for the night for band practice. I know this is a marathon, but sometimes I just want it to be better now. And sometimes I think it never will be better. I’m really concerned about Easter.
Holidays are tough. There are really no ways around only thru. Make some space in your day to grief. If you don't feel like going through the motions of making a big meal or whatever - don't. Maybe take a bike ride.
As for your H - he is going to try and control the narrative. This is to control his own guilt and validate his actions.
Let him get mad about you telling your friends (if you did). Let him get upset about a lawyer. Get used to the venom and temper tantrums. He needs blame and fuel for the fire. Snuff it out.
Anytime he asks why... simply say.
"I am accepting your decision to leave the marriage"
Leave it that. Don't engage. Repeat to him as many times as necessary until he stops.
And then for you - you work towards that. Whether that's kicking him out of the MB, separating finances, etc. It will be the most difficult thing you will do. It will be a process.
