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Yep, that’s right. Be kind and cordial. Speak with him (not to him), if/when he brings something up. However, it’s best to steer away from any relationship talks.
To go along with this roommate style. Don’t walk on eggshells. You don’t have to pussy foot around. Live your life. Example: “Hey H, I’m going out. See you in a couple of hours.” And go.
A few 180s from your day to day routine will get noticed. And might stir some interest within H.
Any positive changes you make, ensure you do them for you. Reason: Well, first and foremost, everything here, all advice is for you. For your betterment. So, make changes for you. Secondly, if you make changes for you, they will likely become permanent, and not just be some attempt to win H back.
By the way, H will seeing those positive changes as just that, attempts. And he will likely not believe the sincerity of it. He will also likely craft some narrative as “too little, too late”, blah blah blah. Pay it no heed. Do for you!
Detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself. This is basically your first step. Being detached is when your emotions are no longer uncontrollably dragged around by the words and/or actions and behaviours of H. The key part of that is: uncontrollably.
When you find detachment you will be able to better influence your emotional state. Yes, you still feel - hurt, sad, anger, etc., but it won’t rule you.
To that, control. You can only control three things: Your thoughts, actions, and reactions. That’s it. Through that direct control of you, you exert influence upon other aspects of your life. This is the path/key to detachment, indifference, acceptance, forgiveness, and much more.
I’m not sure how detached you are presently. Anyhow, a few of helpful strategies. Which work by rewiring our triggers and feedback and reactions to stimulus.
When you feel your emotions running away, imagine a big red stop sign. (MWD, speaks of this in her book DR.) A big red stop sign to place the breaks on your emotions.
Schedule a time to feel. Purposefully take periods of time throughout the day to feel. Cry, get mad, whatever. Scheduling a safe time and space, say five minutes every couple of hours, helps with things not boiling over at some less opportune time. Periodic forcing yourself to feel helps cleave the subconscious triggering and feedback mechanisms. As you get more under control and detached, alter your schedule, less time, less often, until only once before work, then eventually none required.
Sweat it out. Doing something physical really helps. Run, walk, do a workout, dig a garden, shovel snow, and so on. It gives your conscious mind something else to focus on. Don’t worry your subconscious will still be churning away. This strategy is particularly helpful for anger. Sweat it out. Burn it out. For example, go to town on a punching bag. Instead of yelling at H. Get all that anger out in a safe and healthily manner. (Helps with getting a good night sleep too. )
(You may not be in the anger stage just yet. Still, good though.)
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