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Every magical moment of life turns into anxiety!! My separation turned my life upside down.
Maybe that is how i can help on here. To show you what life becomes after Bomb!
I would encourage you to post advice too. Honestly - there aren't many vets left anymore and I feel the lack of diversity from the advice givers sometimes holds back our newcomers from progress. Again just my .02
Whether one chooses to want to separate or save a marriage - the decision that starts both journeys is the decision to save yourself first. Choosing oneself - is probably the the most newcomers struggle with... because although it opens the door to have the WAS choose them... it also opens the doors for the WAS to NOT choose them. And that is by far - the hardest risk to take.
It is a place we all get to on our own timeline - therefore it is the part of the journey we can pass on to the next generation. I personally think that the belief there is "peace" in letting go or freedom in it - is a load of garbage. It hurts like h3ll when you accept the situation. Sure - you may feel joy in GAL or ways you choose yourself - but you are also knocked around with alot of grief that your spouse didn't make that same choice at the same time. The peace isn't instantaneous nor consistent in the beginning. I don't think self help books really dive into how uncomfortable "letting go" is in the beginning.
I say that only to show that this is how I have chosen to pay it forward. To let newcomers know that it doesn't feel good to choose yourself sometimes. It's scary, painful, can cause arguments, or venom spewing - and yet... still be the right decision.
Letting go feels like sh!t before it feels good - that's my message based on my individual experience.
And perhaps you can find yours too. But don't think that because you chose to save yourself doesn't mean that what you bring to table wouldn't be pro-marriage.
In fact - it was the very message the ole guard use to say. Saving yourself is the best chance one ever has at saving their marriage.
And the newcomers need alot of guidance on what "saving yourself" actually means. Your voice can be just another "way" to do that.
