Originally Posted by MamaG
Right now, "while you are with her, you are not with me" is easy to buy. A no-brainer. I am not struggling with this one. Two months from now....well....let's just say that I've been known to forgive and cycle. Somehow, I talk myself into he's mentally ill and I need to forgive. A glutton for punishment.

I try to remember that forgiveness does NOT mean okaying a behavior. Neither does acceptance.
Think of it more as loving from a distance.

Originally Posted by MamaG
1. I dropped off the tax file and it needs mtg info from him. I didn't tell the acct. I haven't reminded H since the initial request. When acct calls for info, do I ask him to contact H directly? Be upfront now with acct about the missing info and ask that they reach out to H for it? Or, be the mediator since this is between H and I? Is there an option #4?

Think of short term versus long term goals.

Short term - you may have to be the mediator...because taxes aren't something to mess with.

Long term - how do you set it up that you file differently for 2025.

Originally Posted by MamaG
2. Daughter's car is in both our names. Do I get D involved to get him to sign it over? Or, is this another business item between H and I and I should leave her out of it?

Short Term - I wouldn't get my child involved as this was a decision made between parents.

Long Term - Not sure what the benefit would be you having him sign it over if your daughter is making the payments? If you are making the payments - then its another discussion

Originally Posted by MamaG
3. If by some huge miracle, he responds to my text from 2/15, do I respond?

Absolutely not. You are dark unless its an emergency or the kids and technically your kids are adults so there shouldn't be too much to talk about.


I can't remember... have you spoken to a lawyer? If not - you need to. From there you can see what you can separate now versus with a "legal separation".

I'm all for allowing emotions to wash over you but in your case... I think it's totally okay that your anger is pushing you a little to stick up for yourself. I agree that in two months - you may not be as determined to protect yourself.

I've seen alot of LBSers over the years delay this part of the journey because they believe it will push their spouse out the door faster. They are afraid that making their spouse angry will confirm the divorce.

He will get angry. Let him.

You have to really ground yourself in believing that you are doing these things out of acceptance of a pretty sh!tty situation. This isn't about vengeance or spite. It's not about punishing him.

It's about realizing the truth and taking the necessary actions that you are protected.

You have no control over the train. It is moving. You are just trying now to not get hit by it.