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I get that forcing her back isn't the way. But how to wake her up, get her unstuck? She can't be happy living like this.
This is the wrong question. Stop focusing on her, what she "should" do, what she might be feeling etc. I understand that your brain is directing all of your energy towards these questions. You need to manually override that loop and re-focus on yourself and your life. The GAL idea everyone here harps on really works. What do YOU want? How would you live if your W was abducted by aliens tomorrow?
I've been where you are and I know it's miserable. For years I tried to behave in a way that I hoped would guide my wife back to some version of our marriage that I thought would solve the problem. I was changing my behavior for her, not myself. This doesn't work. Detach, GAL, and take valued actions towards the things in your life that matter to YOU.
I can tell you with confidence that if you follow that process it will improve your life dramatically, to the point where you will be much less concerned with how your sitch resolves. You will realize that your W is the one who has to "fix" her issues, not you. All of that is up to her and beyond your power.
