Thanks MamaG. I mean to write two thoughts in reply and look what happens!

Originally Posted by MamaG
Before providing an update on my thread, I read through your update and focused on the bold theme before each song. It hit me.

I'm glad what I was trying to say ... made it through.

Originally Posted by MamaG
If you read it with the MLCer hat on, it fits. If you read it with the LBS hat on, it fits. I sat and pondered. Two journeys. Two different journeys. Two similar paths.

Very true. Stick around here long enough and read through archives ... The commonalities between the LBS and MLC/WAS/WW/WH are notable. They are in crisis ... and so are you after having a bomb dropped. Yep, reactions to crisis run along similar paths

And talk about similar paths - the LBS often ends up ready to be a WAS. Your latest update sounds like you are starting to perceive that feeling and start asking that question.

Me? Well, the "wife goggles" dropped off a while back. I am divorced. The unanswered question... would I even want this version of her back? Or perhaps a better question would be ... would this new version of me want this version of her back?

Unanswered because ... I ... choose not to address or worry about things that don't need answering right now.

Originally Posted by MamaG
Your update hit home here. We fight. We fight for ourselves. We fight for our kids. We fight for what matters.

We cycle. And then we cycle again. Who are you? Where do you go now? Depending upon the day, the answer can be so different.

I still do cycle. Though muted now. and irregular. Usually, some minor trigger like discussed with Caligirl previously. I mostly have my peace. The questions continue to sit patiently for my answers.

Lots of thoughts along those lines I have in my head prompted by your latest update.

Originally Posted by MamaG
Time. You have the gift of time. Keep living life. And loving life. The answers will come. The answers may change. New answers are sure to come. Like you, I keep loving the kids. Keep being a stable parent.

I just let my cycles just flow though. now. Paraphrasing the Litany Against Fear from Dune:

I will permit the cycle to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the cycle existed, there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

for

Life is to Live.

Dogs. Church. Grocery shopping. Separating angry sisters for a while. Cooking meals for the week with one daughter. A little Superbowl party with my kids. Being sure to thank the other daughter for cleaning the house with son. Chuckling and overseeing D19 and D18 who wanted to try having - a Cosmopolitan and Spiked Ice Tea. Kids troop out for a five-minute goodnight to mom at the curb. Cleanup. Empty the dryer. Nighttime routines.

Working on returning to my source of being. In accord with the way things are.

“Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.”
― Lao Tzu

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