Whatlee,

The entire crisis from pre-crisis to post-crisis is all about him reliving his past, accepting the things that he could not change and moving forward. Replay is where they "act out". They revisit the places from childhood, they become young adults again, i.e., some even act like 2 yr olds at time. They need to relive that time in order to understand why they were either mistreated by parents or someone in authority, they didn't receive affirmation, love and or attention as they should have. They could have been emotionally and/or physically abused or had a sibling that their parents treated far better than they did the crisis person. They must go back and revisit that time and we cannot pull them out of the crisis. Why? Because if we do, they will eventually re-enter the crisis and it will be far worse.

They look at us as authority figures and...in some cases, we become their parents in their eyes. They hate authority and they do not want us to tell them what to do or not do. They do not want us telling them what is wrong with them. They think we are the problem; the marriage is the problem.

Also, in some cases, they will resent their own children because they see that the left behind spouse is treating the children well. They have a lot of anger and resentment and think that the grass is greener on the other side. It takes a lot of time for them to hit that brick wall over and over again before they hit rock bottom and start to rise again.

Listen to what he says, sift through the verbiage and you have a better idea of what is going on in his mind. Do not believe anything he says...only the actions. He will project on to you and others what he is actually doing himself. I know that you have been at this a very long time, so do not take anything he says or does personally. He is on a trip to find himself.

Keep the focus on you and your family. Dig deeper for patience. His trip is a going to be a long one.