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Over the last few months H has been opening up a lot more about his relationship with his parents . (Very different than mine ). The lack of being able to sit down and just speak to his father without judgement or fear . The feeling of not a full abandonment physically but that he was cut off emotionally. I hear this topic on replay weekly and have been watching him slowly break it down . It is kinda sad to hear . He has come to the place where he feels it needs to be addressed with them .
Originally Posted by Caligirl
H is also still doing IC. I think from what I’m gathering is the IC right now is focusing on him and has not suggested MC yet . From what I’m gathering there is some deep rooted things that go back to his childhood and even his late teen years that need to be addressed first .
H certainly has the hallmarks of one who is experiencing an awakening from MLC. Remember, a crisis is slow. Very slow. Dig for patience!
It is good that H is talking with IC. And yes, for the time being MC needs to wait a bit. H is discovering and working on making peace with his demons; his plate is full. I do understand how totally unfair it is for the LBS gets the lion’s share of the work here. (((Hugs))) Dig for patience! Be a lighthouse.
Awakening has a few stages depression, withdrawal, and finally acceptance. The depression a crisis person experiences is very dark, likewise their withdrawal. They will shrink away, brood, show little to no outward signs of progress meanwhile they are churning things over and over in the their mind. They have all the trauma from their past, the people who emotionally stunted them, and of course all their damages/deeds done during their crisis. Lots of stuff to realize, reconcile, and own up to.
Like I said, most of this will be internal, very little external confirmation of forward progress. H speaking about his Dad’s treatment of him and his feelings towards his Dad is very good. It speaks volumes of what is likely going on hidden from view.
This is a scary fearful time for the MLCer. They are coming face to face with their past; what they’ve done; what they feel; who they’ve hurt, let down, betrayed; and the monumental task of how to start to right it. There are plenty of bridges they need to rebuild, and it takes time for them to figure out what to do, and then to roll up their sleeves and dig in to it.
They do fear judgement most of all. Yes, they’ve done plenty to be judged upon. This is more of that lion’s share we LBS have, leading/living without judging.
Judgment, demanding answers, etc. can push the crisis person back towards running. Be patience, answers will come. Remember, H’s crisis and its healing thereof, is on its timeline, not our’s.
Luckily you, the LBS has done their inner work; embraced DB; have boundaries; are pressure-free while not walking on eggshells; and categorized their beliefs and convictions. Strengthened that which serves, crafted that which they aspire to, and discarded/altered that which does not serve. Lean into that. Follow those deeply held values, convictions, and beliefs. Those are slowly changing excellent life headings.
Keep living and loving your life. Lead. You cannot control H, yet you do influence. Keep moving forward and let H catch up to you.
