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Good Morning What


You’re still ok! You control you! Do not let H drag you back in.


Believe nothing he says and only half of what he does.



Because he is a mess. His emotions are all over the place. Bomb drop, and those subsequent bombs, give him a sense of power and control. Some relief. Of course, it is temporary. A false sense. His demons still torment him.

Special days stir up feelings within these folk. And lots of them do like to enact some “plan” on these dates.

September Birthday - stirs up feelings of mortality. Reminds him that he is getting older; regardless of how much he runs.

July Anniversary - another year has gone by and he is still unhappy. Mortality, lack of life’s goals, exceptionally difficult to take when one is consumed and reliving their past teenager years.

Started dating 35 years ago - oh definitely a date H would like to strike you on. Remember, H has incorrectly assigned you as the cause of his life’s ills. He is also reliving his younger years. Long ago memories swirl around his head like they were yesterday. He has troubles reconciling his time travelled “present” with the current present. He mostly “is” young H, from back in time when he was hurt and emotionally stunted. A guy who wasn’t married. H does know he is married, yet he doesn’t feel it.

Definitely do not sign anything until you have your lawyer look it over.


Yes, this is one of the most incredible facets of their transformation. They lack empathy, heck are devoid of empathy for two big reasons. One reason being way more significant than the other.

Firstly, and the smaller “big” reason, time travel. H, the MLcer, the pod person that looks and sounds like H, he is his younger self. He isn’t married, likely hasn’t even met you yet, his trauma might be before age 15. He is that young hurt kids whose parents (or other authority figure) did not protect him. Did not unconditionally love him.

This pod person H, knows his “future” life, knows you, knows he is married, etc; but he doesn’t feel it. He is running from it - the responsibilities, the reminders of age and mortality, etc. He is running from the truth.

The second, and by far bigger reason, his emotions are cranked to eleven and he has no bandwidth for anyone or anything else! Anyone else’s pain or joy or sorrow or elation, he cannot handle. Far too much pressure. H is consumed by his own torment.

My XW threw way our kids. Tossed them aside like used clothes. She turned to plants. Nurturing those. She has somewhere over 500 plants in OM’s house for the past seven years. Plants do not ask questions. Plants are pressure free.

My XW had trouble with our son’s wedding. She is displaying difficulties with the upcoming birth of our twin grandsons. She is having problems with my other son’s upcoming wedding. She is having problems with my Dad’s (her ex FIL’s) death. No do-overs on that.

Time marches on. Life continues while these Van Winkles run around in their past. Reliving, trying various do-overs. They sleep away the present. Special days, poke them to the present moment, and like Rip Van Winkle, years have gone by. Years! So much lost!

Alas, such revelations are more pressure. Most cannot handle it. Their own pain and torment being far too much. They lash out, and they run again. Some, the fortunate one’s, do start to turn and face the real.

Lack of empathy. Along with confusion and depression, is a major hallmark of midlife crisis. The lack/destruction of empathy following the path of most hurt to least. Reconnection and return of empathy follows that same path, only reversed. Least hurt to most hurt. Pets and such first, then friends, family, kids, and finally the most hurt spouse. It takes a long time for a MLCer to regain empathy for their bomb dropped spouse. They have to fix themselves first.


MLCers will and do, lie and use and gaslight and such. They are master manipulators!

I call BS on H’s saying he has no money!

H will pull on your heartstrings, speak of how you need to be empathic to his plight, all the while your water is freezing. Do not fall for his story!

I totally get not wanting to divorce. Heck, I’m a huge proponent of busting divorce. I’m also a huge proponent of:

If you need financial protection or security - Get It!

Married 32 years. You aren’t the one wanting out of the marriage. You shouldn’t be having to deal with frozen water and such. IMHO.

H will say anything. Use the legal system to his advantage. That incredible lack of empathy - it is incredulous, unbelievable, our once loving spouse turns on us (and kids and anyone else who gets in their way). See beyond the false words and the disingenuous behaviours. H lacks of empathy, H is in crisis, H will lie and coerce, H is not on team Whatlee.


Good. I do have faith in His plan.

I’ll paraphrase an interesting parable I ran across soon after my XW’s BD.



I man is within a flood. His whole village is flooding. He has climbed upon the roof of his house and the water is rising, being half ways up the walls.

A boat pulls up and the operator calls out for the man to climb aboard. The man on the roof thanks the operator for his kindness and declines his offer, saying that God will save him.

A while later the water is at the roof’s edge. Another boat with survivors comes along and the operators calls out that he has room for him. The man on the roof again thanks the operator and declines, saying that God will save him.

Time goes by, the water now at the peak of the roof, the man standing with his feet in a foot of water. Another boat arrives, the operator and other rescued folks calling him to get into the boat. The man again, declines the offer and says God will save him.

The man awakens in heaven. He is shocked. He asks God what happened? I had faith you would save me. God says, I sent you three different boats.



Ah, freewill. We decide what is and isn’t a boat. Whether we get in or let it by.

(((Hugs)))

Have a great day What.

D