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She didn't file because you refused to move to the apartment. I hope you know that nothing you did or didn't do contributes to that. You set a boundary for yourself.
She was ready to file. She is just using your boundary as an excuse to absolve her of her own guilt; it makes her feel better to know that "you" caused this, not HER own actions.
These are the mental gymnastics WWs play with themselves to keep them from seeing the truth.
gaslighting is a REAL thing here. The scariest part is that they do it to themselves as much as to us.
One thousand percent this Josh. We’re all rooting for you.
What I’m seeing here is a man who, over the life of this marriage, has been trained into taking the blame for his wife’s actions. What you did was an ENTIRELY REASONABLE thing to do. You decided you wanted to stay in your bed, you decided if she wanted to leave the marriage then she could leave the master bedroom and house.
You set a tough, but ultimately reasonable and fair boundary - she didn’t like it, so her retaliatory response was COMPLETELY UNREASONABLE and over the top.
What she is doing is basic manipulation and gaslighting. Women like your wife who have to start feeling the consequences of their own decisions (ie sleep in a different bed) will push back extremely hard. They will deflect, blame, massively ramp up and bring in others (like a lawyer) to hide behind. I guarantee she’s telling her friends and family “I had to file because he wouldn’t even let me sleep in my own bed, and I was just out of options.” This is the modern divorce woman 101. 100% victim, 0% accountability.
Don’t take it to heart. Don’t get upset. Don’t take the blame. This was going to happen anyway. Without a shadow of a doubt, no matter what you’d done, said or how hard you’d bent over to her demands and wishes, she still would have done this. Remember, she’s a cheat and a liar and she wants out of this inconvenient marriage that’s getting in her way.
At various points along this journey, things are going to suck. Hard. You can not change another person’s decisions, values, behaviour or thoughts.
The funny thing is, you’re more likely to save this marriage one day because of this - while she might hate you right now, and she’ll never admit this, she probably has a bit of respect for you because you finally stood up to her.
I reckon I’d email the lawyer back, saying “I’m disappointed your client has decided to engage a lawyer. Your client wishes to end this marriage, however supported divorce mediation is my preference over lawyers. I hope your client realises that every time a lawyer gets involved, money will be taken from the education and future of our children and placed into a lawyers’ pockets.”
I expect your wife will keep hiding behind her lawyer, because she knows she’s in the wrong and she wants a shield between her choices and her outcomes. Her avoidance of accountability will continue to worsen over the next 3-6 months, so expect things to temporarily get worse before they get better.
