Hey Josh. I know it is hard to not respond to jabs from our partners like some of what W threw at you. Been there, done that. At first, it feels good to "win" when you do because you have a better or quicker comeback. In the end, it doesn't help the situation at all and can make your W expand her affair activity, go harder for "blood" in any D settlement, and so on.

I agree with what others have already stated above, especially Kind. She's not saying things to you that require a response, so don't respond. At best, you may borrow a few phrases from the "Validation Cheat Sheet" resource on the Newcomers page here. Some that come to mind here include:

1. "I can see how it would feel that way"
2. "I am gonna have to think about that a little more"
3. "I'd like to respond to you when I'm feeling a little less emotional about this"

In a follow-up to Kind's suggestions that you at some point say things like "I've said all I need to say" you could lead into that by saying you are making decisions that our best for your well-being and, from your perspective, the well-being of your children". She's fired you as a husband and, while you need to compromise and co-parent, it doesn't mean you just grant her request for primary custody and the like. Also when my W similarly suggested I "exonerated" myself of any wrongdoing, my DB coach suggested I tack on "I know I contributed to what got us here and am working to avoid repeating those actions" or something like that. The focus is on YOU and not her, as Kind suggests.

If you can't reach an agreement, eventually a mediator or judge will do it for you (not ideal). So, think hard about what is best for you and your kids. Write down an actual range reflecting your ideal goal is WRT the kids/custody on one end of a range. On the other end of that range, write down what the least is that you're willing to accept. Then, right in the middle (and possibly based on what a lawyer might tell you is likely to happen if it goes to a mediator or judge), jot down what is the most likely, reasonable outcome.

I strongly dislike your W dragging your 13-year-old into this discussion. That is 100% inappropriate. You may want to tell your W that, going forward, if she tries to leverage your kids in this way again, you will end the discussion.

Keep working at it. Remember, no matter the outcome, developing new behaviors will help you in the long run...and help your kids have a role model who can maintain a healthy relationship should act.