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I understand your use and validation of the support group reference. However, it best to just state things sans source. Right now, W has a much different viewpoint than you. And she is not on team Josh. Any references, any source material, she will try and tare apart. To find flaws. And believe me, they will just make it up if they have can’t find any cracks.
Also, your reading, counselling, improving, betterment, etc. will all be viewed, in her eyes, as manipulation. Just an attempt to win her back.
So how do you alter that?
Time.
You do. You don’t talk about it. You do it. You live it. Actions speak much louder than words.
Obviously you still speak, but not harp. Tell her you aren’t moving out of the bedroom. Then live it.
You can apologize for wrong doings. It’s ok. Do so, once. And then make the change, and live the new and improved you.
She will notice. However, it is going to take time for her to believe in your changes. So do them for you.
Originally Posted by JoshSco
We went to counseling but she decided that we should prepare for a trial separation after the holidays so that's where we are.
It sounds to me like you got talked into the arrangement. I’d tell/discuss with W that you’ve changed your mind.
“W, I do not wish to separate. And I understand you feel differently. I am willing to working on this marriage, and am going remain under this roof. If you wish you live elsewhere, so be it.”
Something along those lines. Clearly stated.
She will likely get pretty angry. That’s ok. Anger is still passion. Indifference is when things are really dying.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Have you got that STD test yet? I doubt he’s the first. You need to protect yourself! Run, don’t walk to your nearest doctor and get a barrage of tests for everything.
If the opportunity comes up, move back into the house and tell her to move out or throw her stuff on the kerb. She’s the one choosing to break this family, she should move out - not you.
Wise advice.
Although, tossing all her stuff to the curb will likely yield in some legal repercussions. So maybe not that far.
Stay in the house. Be an equal, or more than 50% caregiver to the kids. (Very important!)
Hope you and your kids have a fun New Years and all the best in 2025.
