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… the holidays hit you sideways sometimes anyways.
this evening
The kids left for mom and grandparents ~1+ hours ago. D19 herded the other two and said lets go. ... part of Christmas reduced to a settlement contract between XW and I. the 24th her. the 25th me. It make me want to throw up.
the rationalizing offered by XW echoing around my insides.
Wrapping a last few items while they aren't here. Little dog snoring on the bed.
Listening to Spotify radio based off all my likes... whew! that is a variety.. LOL.
Cleaning and resetting my oversized custom Amish desk. All those things needing attention when running a household... Medical, cars, bikes, ... messaging parents and sisters.
Opening and resetting connectors on the inside of my main computer monitor. Dell U2711 off ebay years ago. A 2011 model! It's gradually degrading and I should get a new one. To upgrade will need $400 plus though. *sigh*
her Going through the little decorations, I come across a figurine of Wonder Woman I got from a vending machine ~15 years ago. I have had it in front of me at my desk under my monitor at work or at home for all these years. It represented XW to me.
My hands start shaking. I put it in a box in the closet. Things of HER have to be put away. I .... can't right now.
Spotify is playing ...
Waiting for the End - Linkin Park
Waiting for the end to come Wishing I had strength to stand This is not what I had planned It's out of my control Flying at the speed of light Thoughts were spinning in my head So many things were left unsaid It's hard to let you go ... I know what it takes to move on I know how it feels to lie All I wanna do is trade this life for something new Holding on to what I haven't got ... 'Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear Until we dead it, forget it, let it all disappear
Whew! Breath.
Stop and reset
Stop it G.
Wonderful normal kids who love being here with me. Great smelling 8 ft Christmas tree and I put cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg in a pot on the stove. Presents for all under the tree. Interesting and solid job and workmates. Flex time. Solid loving parents and sisters. Hehe, even when we haven't gotten together in years, if we sit on the couch together ... suddenly we are in a pile just as if we were still kids together... LOL. Four bedroom home, with space, I can afford. And on.
Kids said they would kick in so I can get Audioengine A1 speakers at my desk for presents The Cambridge Soundworks FPS2000 speaker set I've been using for ~20 years will go to D19. Good quality lasts ... I'll have to get the Audioengine S6 subwoofer some other time. Yes, a budget audiophile ... Anyone know where I can get a Sony TA-N9000ES amp repaired? It's about 55 lbs so I don't want to ship! Originally worth about $2k+ 25 years ago...it still will sell for $8-900!
I digress ...
D17 messages, "Daaaad, we're gonna need help bringing in stuff when we get home. ..."