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Wanting a cheating wife to own her behaviour and decision is what we call a “cheeseless tunnel” around here.
Whose fault is definitely something newcomers struggle with letting go.
If there’s a chance you still want to repair this (even though she’s clearly a cheat and a liar), the ONLY way that happens is if she works out for herself that she’s made a bad decision. Never, in the history of divorces, did a husband save his marriage by convincing his wife she was partly responsible and holding her to account. In fact, that’s a guarantee of acrimonious divorce.
The only way you repair this from here is by ignoring her, not engaging, being your best self and Dad, and hoping she joins the dots herself and realises what she lost.
