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Your posts help give me a sense of peace at times . Love reading them . .
Here’s one for you then. A "Slice of Life" bit. They help me ... withstand.
A Christmas shopping side story
So, … shopping at Walmart with D19 for a last few bits and looking for maybe a hoodie for S13. Nothing in the kids section. Check the mens section… a small might work. She finds a one with an anime character he likes … except the only ones of that style are mens 42-44 sized!
We look at each other. Thinking, well, he could wear it as a tent? …. aaarrrrggg! *sigh*
I whip out my phone and the WM app to look it up. There is one small supposedly in stock 30 minutes to the south …. I’m not driving all that way for this. Maybe I can order it delivered? I check. Yes! Delivery on the 24th. No! The app reverts to a different zip code. Aaarrrgg! I fight with the app while we walk around and finish shopping. As we walk out of the store, I’m about to do the online checkout, and I realize the total is $10+ high. ???
Ok. Next fight. With the app. Bring it on. …. “get free shipping with orders over $35. Add more to your cart!” *sigh*. Fine. I’ll figure this out as we walk out to the car.
G, ”hey D19, I have to add more to not pay shipping on the one item…what do we need?” D19, ” Oh! Annies Mac n Cheese Please! The white cheddar kind!!!” G, ”Ah! Good thought. Easy and reasonable healthy and D17 likes them too”
So I add 4 boxes to the online cart, as we are walking in the parking lot, … “get free shipping with orders over $35. Add more to your cart!”
*sigh*. Fine.
So I add 4 MORE boxes to the online cart, as we get in the car in the parking lot, … “get free shipping with orders over $35. Add more to your cart!”
*sigh*. Fine.
G, ”OK D19, we’ll go as soon as I can complete this. I still need more. What are those noodles long like spaghetti but flat?” D19, ”Dunno, google it”
Hahahaha … Google autocomplete’s the question before I finish typing. I’m not the only noodle dummy out here. Fettuccini.
So I add 4 boxes of fettuccini to the online cart. “You get free shipping for your order over $35!” Finally. I mark them all to come on the same day.
$20 for the hoodie. ~$20 for noodles. We’ll eat them. Just buying ahead a little.
D19, "Lets go already! I'm hungry. I want Mac n cheese" … Annies Mac n Cheese delivered yesterday Fettuccini delivered today Still waiting for the hoodie … SMH. *whatever*
Wrong Side of Heaven
I’m stronger…but still … the holidays hit you sideways sometimes anyways.
The song is about PTSD. You experience. Loss of Identity. Shame. Guilt. FAILURE. Yeah. You. Me. LBS. …
An IC I talked to offered PTSD treatments. Not unusual for the LBS.
Wrong Side of Heaven - Five Finger Death Punch
I spoke to God today And she said that she's ashamed What have I become? What have I done? I spoke to the devil today And he swears he's not to blame And I understood 'Cause I feel the same … Arms wide open I stand alone I'm no hero And I'm not made of stone Right or wrong I can hardly tell I'm on the wrong side of Heaven And the righteous side of Hell The wrong side of Heaven And the righteous side The righteous side of Hell
I'm not defending Downward descending Falling further and further away Getting closer every day I'm getting closer every day To the end
In hindsight, one of my biggest fears has been my biggest stabilizer. Single Dad. Three kids.
G’s parents, ”G. You have to do what it takes. You have three precious children who need you. RIGHT NOW.”
Yeah, that is an external locus. I know. It is an immediate hands on focal point though … while I work on the inside.
Which also helps drive a plea to the Almighty. To set myself aright, to be able to hold them in my arms in a stable home, I need my feet on solid ground. I must WITHSTAND this storm.
And I found out they have provided stability to ME in return. Filling in the gaps. Accepting and helping in reordering the household rhythms.
Withstand - MUCH MORE
I was bankin' on myself and my righteousness Overthinking left me vacant up in my chest Oh God, I was so upset and Oh God, I was so obsessed with My thoughts they were in the flesh and My God, I was on the ledge when
You set my feet on the rock No more sinking in sand For much I was bought Now much more I will withstand
