Sending hugs . Some days it does feel as if MLC is a mental illness . One thing it took me sometime to grasp is something is very wrong or went very wrong with them at one point in their life . It may be different for each one . The touch and go’s are just that, touch and run I call it now . Maybe this will help give a bit of insight . For 2 years I now realized I lived with touch and runs right under my roof . H would crash so hard with me making sure I was still roped on then run just as hard . Almost into someone who I didn’t recognize as a person or my H . I made the landing way too soft for too long . I started to see a shift not only in H but me eventually I got to the point of not being part of the place to crash . I saw this shifting for months . But the biggest shift was me . I began saying things to H and meant them . I deserve someone who wants to be a spouse a partner . I stopped even calling or answering when he was out . I stopped inviting him places . If he wanted to go that was fine but I didn’t go out of my way . His craziness was annoying. I did almost everything alone and was genuinely happy . I like valsekas take on it . Do you want to go out because you asked ? Or do you want and deserve someone who wants to take you on their own account.Even before his friend / family was removed from life support and he really dug in to changing . Now that my head is clearer I saw the shift in him prior . The running had significantly slowed down before that. He does talk about it with me usually after counseling . Over the weekend H was talking and said it felt like at some point you didn’t want me . Not in DB style but I said you are correct I didnt want to be with someone who treated me like that . I don’t really want to put on here what I do for work but let me just say this . Is H mentally ill , absolutely! Is there many other parts to his mental illness besides this . Yuppers ! I think for me I’m a fixer . So for a long time I thought I could fix him . Make the path smooth . Help him . Just like you “ kiss him “ so he would know it was ok . But and it’s a big but . It’s not ok . H needs to get where he’s going on his own .
