Caligirl,

I understand what you are going through. It's not easy to trust someone who has hurt you so deeply. You can forgive (at some point), but you won't forget. Trust isn't just handed over, it needs to be earned.

You have decide what is best for you physically, mentally and emotionally. I know you are thinking about this situation 24/7 because he is right under the same roof. We do not judge here. As we point out, even if they want to return, we, the lbs, ultimately are the ones that will decide whether to try and work things out or move on.

Here's a thought, have you tried resetting the relationship? Start out as friends, have a date night, do something together and then include the kids into the activities? Sometimes, they expect us to sweep the crisis under the rug and sometimes when they return home, we are looking for things to get back to normal and neither party is emotionally/mentally ready for that. Sometimes, we just need to leave them be and just focus on ourselves. After all, we are way ahead of them when it comes to healing and we have learned how to live on our own and be independent and self-sufficient. They don't understand that we can't go back to being the people that they walked away from. That the nightmare was just that a horrible dream that you wake up from and continue on with your day. They still are thinking like teenagers and think we should just wipe the slate clean...not happening. We, the lbs, have to re-evaluate our lives and what we want/need to make us happy and fulfilled with our lives.

Give yourself a break. You've dealt with a lot and it's going to take some time for the muddy waters to clear up so that you can see where you are going.

Continue posting...you need this safe place to lay out your thoughts.