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Yes, this stuff is difficult. And counterintuitive; it will feel wrong. Hang in there, you will get through it.
My two cents:
Originally Posted by lonelee
1 - is it too soon for me to confront him about texting me if he is re considering ?
I know you want answers. However, do not confront him. Besides, it’s just words from him. Actions speak louder than words. And these folks will lie and manipulate. H is the opposite of who you once knew. Believe nothing he says, and only half of what he does.
Originally Posted by lonelee
2- or do I just tell him that I cannot have daily interaction because I need my space to move on with out him.
No need to tell him. Go dim/dark.
I totally get you needing space to heal and find detachment. Telling him to do something is trying to control him/the situation. You cannot.
You can only control three things: your thoughts, your actions, and your reactions.
Therefore, to not have daily interaction with H, put all correspondence - texts, emails, voice mails - from him into a pile and deal with it once a week.
Once a week, maybe every Wednesday evening, you look at whatever texts/emails he has sent. Sort them into stuff you need to answer - business type things - and the rest. Give yourself 24-48 hours to absorb the business stuff. 24-48 hours allows your emotions to calm; allows you to decide if you even need to reply; and for that you decide to reply to allows you do so from a place of logic and reason (you can even make a draft replies and run those by someone or even here, tweaking until satisfied).
Originally Posted by lonelee
3- do I continue to do the same withdraw, not text first , be business like and not show any emotion but be a friend, be cordial and kind?
Yes. I like this approach. Be businesslike. Utilize 24-48 hours to gather yourself before responding, choosing only to respond to that which requires a response. Do continue being kind and cordial. Not friendly, more treating him like you would the grocery store clerk. Polite. To the point.
H needs time and space to sort himself out. Give him plenty of both. Don’t worry, when H is ready, you’ll know.
You be busy. Focused on you, kids, and grandkids. GAL. Be dim/dark. Let H wonder what’s going on. Live/love your life.
