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I’m glad to hear from you. I did merge your new thread with your previous open one.
I noticed the title change - Needing direction. I am sorry you find yourself feeling less Moving forward now.
(BTW, titles can be altered/updated on any new post. However, the displayed title on the front page comes from the title of the first post in the thread. I can edit/update that if you either, to match the current one. Just let me know.)
My condolences on the passing of your FIL. (((Hug)))
As you know, I’ve had a taste of the stress you and W lived for six months. Super stressful indeed.
Is MIL still living with you? Where did she move from? Her home or a care home as well?
As to your R, W (and you) took a pause during that six months. Also, the death of the father needs to be grieved. That will take time. Likely quite a bit of time for her, given her demonstrated propensity for sweeping things/feelings under the rug. Be patient. Deep dig.
Originally Posted by MikeP
I am struggling daily to believe she really wants to be with me.
I hear you.
It takes purposeful effort to alter a belief.
Originally Posted by MikeP
I don’t believe she wants to be with me yet she is still here.
Yes, she is there.
You control you. Remove wording/thinking like “still”. You are thinking/feeling/believing something like the other shoe is about to drop, all the time. Worrying yourself sick. And no amount of worrying ever prevented anything. Though, it can unwittingly influence towards fruition the very thing one is worrying about.
I do understand and empathize. I’d not want to be caught being naive either. And that of course leads to lack of trusting. The wording “trust issues” in my opinion detracts - there is no issue, you simply don’t trust her.
The “issue” part is within you. Perfectly understandable. Trauma, betrayal, and such cuts deep. It hurts, it wounds, it is hard to heal from. Lack of trusting is a symptom of what’s really hurting you. Treating the symptom won’t heal the deep wounds.
Originally Posted by MikeP
I really don’t know what to do.
Work on healing from betrayal. Find/practice forgiveness. Let go of needing retribution. Avoid retaliation. Find your peace.
Read Divorce Remedy, again. Pull back on the R-talks and demands. W needs to grieve her Dad, and that will come out in all kinds of ways.
Originally Posted by MikeP
I still love her and want to be with her.
Do so. While focusing on you. Becoming your best version, MikeP2.0. A man only a fool would leave.
There are no guarantees except that which you put in. All your growth will have dividends regardless of outcome of situation. And gives you your best chance at saving your marriage/relationship.
