Whatlee,

As one of the rules of the forum, we aren't suppose to include outside links in our postings.

It's ok to stand, but do not stay in one place too long. You do not want to be stuck, i.e., like your h is right now in his rabbit hole.

You have to stay positive and have faith that God has a plan and he will decide what will happen with your h and with you. We are fixers and we want to fix everything and have our lives go back to the way they were. If and when your h wakes up, your marriage will be different. You cannot go back to the way things were. Each day will be a new beginning and with that being said, any and all changes that you have made while he is in La La Land must remain in place.

When he returns, there will be at least 12-18 months of him second guessing himself as to whether he should stay or go again. This part of the crisis will be the hardest because you will want to move on and get over it. He will ask you if you want him to go, especially when he sees you get impatient with how long it is taking for him to recommit 100%. Don't rush the process! It took a while for him to go into crisis and it will take just as long, if not longer, for him to return to earth.

As for friends and family, they mean well, but you have to remember, especially his family....you don't know what he's told them. Blood is thicker than water and they will believe everything he tells them. In most cases, they will side with him for a very long time. You won't be able to talk to them about the situation. Many of your friends will not understand what is going on. If you have a couple of good friends, talk to them. Allow them to be your sounding board. You do not need to justify yourself to anyone. You know what was real and what was memorex in your marriage.

Keep focusing on you. Listen to your lawyer. People mean well, but they do not understand until it happens to them. They are not walking a mile in your shoes.