Thank you DnJ and ready. You have given me lots to think about.

Comfortable life - mainly yes. Apart from that I do much more around the house, and probably an equal amount of childcare. I mainly take the kids out both days on the week-ends to make sure that they have fun. Which does come at a consequence for the time I have for myself.

Eating with the kids is communal; we have been sleeping separately for a while even before this, and there is no intimacy at all. She does speak to me a lot, and I have taken to mainly listening. It is interesting and has given me things to think about. As well as a glimpse into confusion, fantasy and reliving past choices (I think she spends a lot of time thinking about this). She does not agree with the traditional role of a woman / as a mother, yet I do not understand what she thinks is the alternative.

I struggle with the creating loss point, and do feel that I am still being taken for granted and seen as available. I need to give this further thought, yet I did recently make clear to her that for me there are no "creative" solutions but either reconciliation or a separation including selling the house and splitting assets. Which I do not really want as that spells pain for all, in particular the children. To whom this is not fair.

I am working hard on not being drawn into any argument, not doing anything that she would feel as incendiary or not like (e.g. sharing with others - I have drawn back from speaking to anyone except for a select few). My focus is on taking out negativity and having more positive emotions in the household. Walking on eggshells and being a doormat...I probably overdo certain things such as in the household and need to take more time where I am out doing things. I will focus on the latter first. I have a week of holidays on my own coming up.