Quick update. Things are going well. H is more and more like his old self. Light-hearted, witty, playful. We went on a spontaneous camping trip over the weekend. He’s taken a lot more initiative, proposing ideas for activities to do and dishes to make. It’s incredible that we’re here. I feel much more at ease. The camping trip was beautiful. Just the two of us talking and talking and talking in each other’s arms.

I wouldn’t say we’re fully reconciled yet, though. H is still wrestling with his guilt. It puts a distance between us sometimes.

Is anyone watching the show Dark Matter? It’s essentially about MLC, but wrapped up in a bonkers sci-fi story. It was fascinating to watch it with H. The first night we watched it, H got quiet and reflective. As we got ready for bed, he apologized again. He related to the anti-hero, a man who regrets leaving the love of his life. H wishes he had never cheated on me, had never left me.

As for me, I’ve gotten to a place where I have not only forgiven H, but also the OW. I actually feel sad for this person, someone I once considered a friend. I don’t know when this happened, exactly. At some point a few months ago, I realized that I had not thought about OW for a while. I was too busy living my own life. And now I even hope that she heals from whatever led her to behave in the way she did.

If I’m honest, I sometimes wish H would hurry up and figure his stuff out already. Then I reread the chapters in DB about depression and MLC and remind myself that H has to do this at his own pace. The best thing I can do, I’ve decided, is to not fall into my old ways of wanting to fix everything. I’ve been tempted to recommend topics for him to bring up in his IC. Overbearing, I know! It’s true, you never stop DBing, and it’s paramount to keep working on yourself. Not just because it’s better for the relationship, but also just for your own sanity (don’t take on what isn’t your cross to bear!).

Best wishes to everyone here.