Hi Whatlee. Stopping in to say hi and hope you're doing well.
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. You made decisions that fit your sitch at that time and now you can make adjustments that fit your current sitch and next chapter. Perhaps you seek another (sigh) job or one that earns more than the last. As a part of GALing, I found myself a 'fun' job that is not what I would ever do if it weren't for this MLC sitch that I find myself in and it also happens to pay well. I work for corporate America and got a bartending job. Interesting people out there and often times, I find myself grateful for even this current sitch I'm. While money and learnings isn't why I took the bartending job, it has provided these things. Step out of your comfort zone - to the extent you're comfortable.
I'm certainly no expert but we've all lived a bit and can see things better when responding to someone else's sitch.
Here's my non-expert thoughts on your comment. Whether you get another job or find a different one, or stay with the job(s) you have, save x% of each payroll and do all you can to accumulate a rainy day fund for YOU. The amount you set aside is based on what is reasonable; set a goal for how much you should save by end of summer, by end of year, etc. Not only will you see that you can do it in response to a positive action to what you've learned from reflection, but you'll be working towards the next step - be it a new residence (big goal), get nails done, a treat to self for hard days (small goal), a night out or whatever you wish to spend the savings on upon attaining the goal. Being proud of yourself is a part of being good to ourselves and let's be honest, you've been through a lot and made some sacrifices/changes. I imagine you'd agree that you've been hard on yourself some days, had hard days and questioned your worth. How do you ensure that those days are behind you or at least mostly behind you? What steps can you take to 'fix' or adjust your comment, "We haven't been very smart about our finances and have nothing to show for it." so that you aren't still saying these words at the end of the summer? at the end of the year?
And, maybe, just maybe, H will see that you're 'changing'. If H doesn't notice, that's ok. This adjustment is about you. And, who knows what you'll gain/learn/save?
