Hey Grok. Lots of great stuff in your post. Thanks. It is great to know someone else out there has similar experiences. Love the religious quote too. John Gottman says when conflict erupts between the wife and mother-in-law, the only way out of this dilemma is for the husband to side with his wife.

A prior therapist told my W that "nobody has power over you unless you give it away". What you're saying about feelings resonates with me for that reason. It helped me think about how that, while we can't control every situation, we can control our reaction in response to it. And, I think that is also in alignment with what MWD preaches in Divorce Busting, Divorce Remedy, and an earlier book, Changer Your Life and Everyone In It. Much like you describe, I don't get the sense that my W or my mom are especially happy, though W acknowledges that she's not angry/upset with me. My mother is being quite immature about the situation and ignoring W now. We're a conversation away from estrangement if she can't maintain at least a respectful and productive relationship with W.

All that said, these experiences gave me a TON of energy. I've tackled some challenging work projects and issues. Our landscaping is looking like the finest in the neighborhood. Anyone need a room painted? I'm your guy!

And, during our last conversation, W told me that she asked her attorney to have the D dismissed so that we can focus on counseling. No guarantee we won't be discussing a D again. This is one of two possible outcomes from divorce-busting, and one MWD believes in. The work continues.

I know there were times early on when I came to this forum feeling quite helpless. Once more I say THANK YOU, to all those who've offered advice, moral support, and other perspectives. I hope I'm offering some of the same for others (being a lighthouse of sorts - right?).