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Yes, things will be tough again for a while with the divorce becoming finalized. Change, new feelings, need to be grieved and accepted.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I'm having a hard time accepting my new life. I keep thinking of the good days and wishing i could get that back somehow.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
part of me has been hoping she would change her mind and that the divorce would be canceled.
Bargaining. (((Hugs)))
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I know it’s over and the good days with her will never return.
Yep. You know. It takes longer for our heart/feelings to figure that out. Acceptance is emotional understanding.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I told my councilor that i know that's a foolish thought
Not foolish at all. Perfectly normal. And quite healthy.
Having a part of you hoping she’d change her mind shows you’re not in denial. Shows you understand and are working towards acceptance thereof.
Writing of a list of reasons is a good idea. It utilizes your intellectual side, focuses on rationalizing, all of which helps influence, encourage, and reinforce positive progress on the emotional side of your equation.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
we are also working on me finding anchors because i feel like I'm floating in the middle of the ocean lost at sea. the loneliness [censored]! I'm tired of feeling pain.
It’s ok. Truly it is.
Yes, floating, adrift, directionless, I’ve been there.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
did anyone struggle with acceptance? if so what helped?
What helped:
Small steps. Accept that acceptance takes a while. Accept that it is a struggle.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
also I'm struggling with the thought of her being with someone else. I'm not sure if she is or not but it makes me sick to my stomach when the thought pops in my head. i immediately start to think of better things when that thought comes to mind but it still stings.
Absolutely it stings. You bet.
You’ve got to make peace with that.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I'm still in a battle with thoughts of I'll never be happy again, I'm going to be alone forever and I'm too broken to be fixed. I counter with I will be happy again, I will find somebody that's right for me and I am fixable. the fight is tiresome and I lose the fight some days.
Fighting begets fighting.
Yield to your feelings instead of fighting them.
That’s yield and validate your feelings, not succumb to them.
Today, you feel that sting of her being with another. Perfectly normal responses you are having btw.
Today, you feel very broken and nearly unrepairable.
Today, you feel like you’ll never be happy again.
Feel it. Acknowledge it. And let it wash over you.
Scheduling times to feel, a few such sessions a day makes that process more convenient and better prevents unwanted emotional stirrings/outbursts throughout the day. Say, 5 to 10 minutes in the morning, lunch break, after supper, and in the evening. Eventually the needed amount of time and number of sessions decreases until you’ll require zero.
Like I said, fighting begets fighting. Come at this, at yourself, sideways. Not a head-on attack. After all, you are too formidable of an opponent.
Sit with your feelings, for a predetermined time, and listen to what they are telling you. After the scheduled time, wipe your eyes, and go about your day. Your subconscious mind will still be churning away, yet you have purposefully released the built up pressure.
Today, you feel ______.
Some tomorrow, you’ll discover why. And the process takes another small step forward.
Today, you feel ______.
Some tomorrow, you will feel different.
I struggled. I didn’t battle and vanquish my demons. I sat down and made peace with them. They are still with me, since they are a part of me. Accepting our pain, our self, is the process of grief and finding acceptance.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I don't want to think about her anymore. this may sound harsh but i don't want to care about her anymore. I miss my family we had and i was really close to her kids. and it kills me that she could throw me and my daughter away so easily like yesterdays trash.
I understand and empathize. I really do get it. My kids and I were thrown away too.
Indifference will come. You will experience not caring so much. And with that, comes the realization that your journey has little to actually do with her. It’s about you.
Your grief - anger, bargaining, depression - is about you. W is just a trigger, the event. It’s your loss you are grieving. Not her.
Your focus on her and her actions is part of the process, yet it delays things. Perfectly normal by the way. We need to go through it. Just realize, it’s a step. Part of your journey. Another reason to focus on you.
