I did say I had more thoughts. Never enough time to write. Today I took the time for myself after work to ride my bike 20 miles with two other guys I’m just getting acquainted with from a FB local group. Then a couple hours of kids and chores. Now it is midnight. Ugh.
Originally Posted by Catman19
Man I don't know how you do it with kids.
Because they are wonderful kids. Lots of self sufficiency and values taught them by W! It's more about just being there for them. Saying Yes when they ask to do something with you, just qualify time and place availability. Like this:
True story yesterday after work D18, "Dad, I want to get more cool matchbox cars! Can you go with me?" G, "Of course! Let me finish the promised computer game with S12, then eat something quick, then we will go." D18, "Daaaaaaad, but I want to go now!" G, "but wouldn't it be better if we all went?" D18, "That's true, D17 and S12 need to get off their butts and out of the house too. Lets go you two! Dad, you have to drive and spend your gas." And so we did.
Originally Posted by Catman19
You are being the rock for your kids In a time or turmoil.
I am now, though I think W would have a complaint that I left it far too much all to her before. "I give and nobody gives back to ME!" Lest readers think it is all WW issues, there was an imbalance there of which I am ashamed. I have re-bonded tight with all three in this crisis though. It was either chose to step up or choose to fail as Father.
Originally Posted by Catman19
It seems much like others in the situation that the kids end up with a better understanding or the situation and more maturity than the WW. To me it seems she's lashing out and not knowing how to deal with her situation. Emotions leading behavior.
To W's credit, she is the one who gave them much of the insight they are using on her now.
Originally Posted by Catman19
I somehow think that hormonal changes have a lot to do with this behavior and they just don't know how to manage or deal with it. .
This is true and one of many things that are affecting behavior. Women in her family start menopause early. She has said to me perimenopause has started.
I look at like a function of combining waves, all coinciding to peak at the same time.
Add in there a crisis of purpose (i.e. MLC) since retiring from the military reserves. She outright told me this last year that since that time she has been bouncing around without guard rails or purpose after that retirement. Somehow she could not figure that Wife, Mom, Homemaker, Homeschool teacher, and a number of other roles she had taken on were sufficient purpose.
Add in the over the top flattery and attention from OM just as she is reaching the big 50 and feeling the effects of age. I’ve talked to at least three other women who have said that age is very tough for women. They described desperately wanting to feel desirable again. Last year W said to me, “I need someone who needs me and can’t live without me.”
Add in my own issues of long shallow depression. I react by slowly withdrawing from all those around me…into my Cave. Where in hindsight I feel OK about myself as I do little non-risky things.
And so on… as I work this year on understanding and righting myself.
